Home > Scripts > LATE synopsis by Derek Herd, with notes!

LATE synopsis by Derek Herd, with notes!

“LATE” (REV 02)

Story Synopsis by D Herd

-Trey is sneaking to bed at Holmes Inc. headquarters after a late night drinking.

-While sneaking by (old) Edgar’s room (which is close to Trey’s) as to avoid a lecture – Trey over hears him dictating his memoir. She over hears a little “… writing this memoir so that you will understand why I hid certain truths about our history…” or something to that affect.

-“Home free – no lectures.” Said as Trey fall back into her bed.

-Trey wakes up suddenly to the sound of a loud security alarm on her HOLMES wrist watch: Edgar: “COME QUICK TREY! I NEED YOU IN HANGAR 2! I’VE BEEN HURT.” Heavy static.

-Trey grabs her swords and in a panic and bolts down towards the hangar.

-She passes elevator “Too long” leaps through “Emergency Exit” and hops stair railing down a floor.

-A really cryptic message from Elizabeth breaks in through wrist watch again with lots of static “… Hurray up Trey” Trey can still not raise anyone on the wrist watch herself. “Any one. Come in please.”

-Strangely there appears to be no other Holmes Inc members at the headquarters?

-She gets to the hangar and cannot enter door as security card required.

-She slices electrical panel with sword and slides heavy door open so she can squeeze in.

-Trey carefully stealth walks in looking around – swords drawn. She stops cold as a stranger (a man about 50yrs old) stands by the landing gear of the “Deerstalker” with his hands up (submissive) calmly telling Trey that he means no harm and he can explain everything.

-Stranger lured her to bay pretending to be Edgar… they sound alike… why you may ask?

-He claims to be Thomas; Trey’s long dead uncle. He also claims to have shattering news that will rattle the very foundation of Holmes Inc.

-Thomas tells a story about how Edgar’s wife (Thomas’ mother) had an indiscretion with another man  and if the identity of said man was revealed it would have extremely negative consequences (never mentioned by implies the magnitude of a Solar Pons or Moriarty type character) for the Holmes family name. To preserve the lineage Edgar paid Thomas’ father off to take him as a baby and to raise him on his own; never to acknowledge or lay claim to the Holmes family lineage.

-During the course of this meeting Trey is aware that things are not right and she can’t place what is wrong. As she is listening to his story she is still cautious and trying to figure out all of the possibilities in her head:

–        Is she sleepwalking?

–        Is Thomas a ghost?

–        Is she hallucinating? (Did someone slip something in her drink at party?)

–        Is she so wasted it may be Edgar?

–        Is Artie playing an elaborate hoax?

It doesn’t occur to her that she is dreaming as most people when they are dreaming block that out. When you realize you are dreaming you become lucid and come out of the dream.

Clues / Red Herrings:

-Trey’s watch has stopped at one time.

-Some of the panels can be direct references to scenes in popular culture. Maybe she told father that she was seeing STAR WARS film festival with her friends so some panels can be direct references.

-Trey last remembers coming home from a party drunk and going to bed.

-Headset message

-No Holmes members

-What bothers her most is that she can’t pick apart this stranger’s story; as she realizes that she doesn’t really know Edgar the First that well. It seems possible that Edgar has been keeping secrets and certainly would do it to protect the Holmes name/pride. The story could be true but something is not right.

-The stranger always has a good come back to any of her theories/questions: “Where is the rest of the team?” Reply: “They left late last night on an emergency mission; you were out drinking- I saw my opportunity to confront you alone.” Question: “I’ve seen the tombstone where Thomas is buried.” Answer: “Right beside a tombstone of your great grandfather whom we both know is not buried there.” Etc.

I think it would be neat that Trey is talking through it and trying to solve it with Thomas… who is really a projection of her subconscious and on some level a mirror of her father.

-After looking around closely and using deductive logic she puts it all together… “I know what is wrong. I know where I am.” And with this realization she wakes groggy in bed with Elizabeth screaming into her room “wake up already we are leaving in thirty minutes. This is really important to your father. Hurry up! By the way heads up… your Dad’s not too impressed that you came home from a bender last night and apparently went Section 8 in the hangar at 3:00 in the morning.”

-Next panel: The Holmes Inc. group is walking up a hill in a graveyard. Trey whispers to Edgar as she pushes his chair: “What do you say we go and get a coffee later and you know… talk about life… just you and me.”

“I would like that a lot dear.” Edgar replies.

-Final shot is Holmes Inc standing by Thomas’ grave… Holmes the Second says “He would have been 50 years old today… and he would have been very proud to watch this family become what it is today. Until next we meet my brother.”

END

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

This is WAY better.  Me likee lots now.  I’d ask for ONE more tiny tweak…could we have a moment of tension or action JUST before she deduces it’s time to wake up.  Another alarm, another reason for haste, or something…as the moment of sudden realization and waking up is a little anticlimactic if we don’t have something there to give us excitement.  Although the emotions would be fun there, could you just give us that bit of adrenaline just before she wakes up?

Rob’s notes are very similar, give ’em a read.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Derek’s script is much improved and has some nice flow.   There is quick action off the top of Trey getting to the hangar. Me likely that too!

The action shudders to a stop when Trey meets Thomas and they do a lot of standing around. So I would definitely suggest finding a reason for movement.

One possibility that occurred to me was the idea that Trey learns Thomas has tricked her into coming and thinks the reason no one is in the building is because he has trapped them or kidnapped him. So she could be searching for them as she works through the mystery.

The second half of the story can be as exciting as the first with action to support the mystery stuff.  How that’s done is totally up to Draake.

There may be an opportunity to see Trey’s deductive prowess outside of working out the dream.  The whole “devining much from little” process could be used to confirm Thomas could  be Edgar Sr.’s brother. Physical genetic traits, habits.

Overall, this one is feeling much better and focused. I think this internal mystery angle is a surprising twist on the Holmes Inc. format and Draake has an interesting take on Trey’s character. In its own way this is another great coming of age tale.

Pinc

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