Home > Scripts > Mind Spiders – Outline, with notes!

Mind Spiders – Outline, with notes!

Mind Spiders of Madagasgar

Outline

(Inspired by Mike Marano, king of the awesome throwaway title)

Page 1 – Armageddon Oughtta Here!

In Madagasgar Research Lab where Holmes scientist experiments with Spider webs for defence and fibre optic applications.  Whole place is a wreck and covered in glowing webbing and ultra-fine fibre optics.

Edgar bursts out from a third story window with an annoyed Trey under his arm. “Edgar. Put me down!”

They land. Edgar fights off zombified techies as Trey “requisitions” a jeep by slashing off the webbing covering it up.

Trey drives as Edgar fights off spider techies. The Techies give chase, shooting and driving more jeeps.

Trey is mad they came here to solve a mystery.  Edgar insists he will solve once she’s safe on the Deerstalker.

They find the Deerstalker is covered in webbing and surrounded by zombified guards and have to turn around.

Page 2  – Now with Ultra Spider Brainwash Action

Trey drives as Edgar battles spidery assailants, remembering how this all started.

Flashback: Inside busted up lab covered with glowing spider webs mixed with ultra-fine fibre optics. Video monitor plays back last emergency message from a Madagasgar native scientist in awkward English asking for help with an angatra (a Malagasy ghost or an ancestor or friend who has been ignored or abused)

Trey and Edgar examine lab. Malagasy Tech Assistant enters with fellow silent techies and tells them everything is cool.

Edgar pushes Tey behind him and toward door protectively. Trey bristles.  “Why? Just because all the techies are brainwashed?”

The Techies are outed and attack as one, leaping on the walls and running along the spider webs.

They fight off the techies as they compare notes. Edgar knew because of Assistant’s changed speech pattern, the bite patterns on all their faces precisely at the frontal lobes.  And they all spasm before any movement.

Trey is unimpressed with big brother. He needed all that? She stabs the electrical panel, dousing the lights.

Page 3  – What a tangled (and frickin’ huge web) we weave

Now that its dark we see all the Techies are covered in fine spider webs that glow in the dark. Trey’s ready to fight.

To her surprise, Edgar grabs her and leaps out window.

Back to PRESENT: They are driving and realizing the zombies are herding them. That is extraordinarily bad.

The spider zombies keep their distance as Trey stops suddenly. “You think?”

In a big panel Edgar turns. We see the jeep is stopped at the edge of a huge spider web covering a whole section of jungle with a tunnel like opening. I mean seriously huge.

Page 4  – Sibling Worry

Trey and Edgar walk into the web theorizing about how this could have occurred. Darwin’s Bark Spider is one of the biggest spiders in the world and creates the biggest web. That silk is what makes their bulletproof clothes tougher and more flexible than Kevlar.

Could this web be man-made? They can see the pulsing lights of the web-thin fibre optics made by the lab all through it. On the other hand, “Different spider species have been known to build webs together when…”

“…There is an abundance of food.” They find human body husks in the web, spun up and eaten out.   Edgar tells Trey to leave.

Trey refuses. Not when they’re so close to solving the mystery. He’s been cramping her style the whole mission. He only brought her because he thought it would be routine.

Edgar admits he has trouble focusing on missions with Trey because he is so protective of her. Trey pulls out her swords. She can take care of herself. An off-panel voice doubts it.

Page 5 – I did it for science.

(DESIGN NOTES: Many ideas came up Wednesday and I don’t want to get in the way of the artists.  I do like the idea of her having once been beautiful.  And now she is part spider and part egg holder. Perhaps appearing to be a shapely female silhouette until she steps into the light or out of the web and we see eggs growing in her head and spider parts growing out of her. a silky web dress reaches out, the ends of the webs drifting across the big web. I also liked the idea of her being carried by spiders, which brings a nice physicality to the proceedings. In other words, as long as her web dress or the Spider Queen herself has a way to contact the web to command her thralls, we’re good – Rob.)

Reveal: The Spider Lady confronts them. Trey realizes the bite marks on the Techies match the Spider Queens nails or chelicerae appendages around her mouth (That’s the ugly mouth things spider’s use to bite with).

Edgar realizes the lady scientist’s studies in spiders have gone too far.  Why go this far when she’d already had so many breakthroughs?

The Spider Queen reveals that she didn’t have a breakthrough. Like so many others she couldn’t duplicate the silk. But she was able to clone and create large spiders capable of producing enough silk to work with.

Edgar realizes the Spider Queen grew too close to her “children”, experimenting on herself with venom and spider DNA and communicating through spider silk fibre optics surgically implanted within each other. (The webs are like Wii sensors, turning her every move into electronic signals. He thralls move like her.)

…like trying to surround he and his sister! Trey draws her swords. Edgar doesn’t think they will help against spiders. “No?…”

Page 6 – Behind Every Spider Queen is a King Spider

“…What about that spider?”  A giant spider big enough for a human to ride drops beside the Spider Queen! It’s part cyborg with fibre optics and computer parts.

The Spider Queen introduces it as the creature behind the Holmes Inc. vests and her fibre optics –Her King Spider.

Edgar deduces the cyber connection shared by the Spider King and Queen allows them to communicate with and control her arachnid army via the fibre optic webbing.

Trey hacks at the webbing as Edgar tries to burn the webbing (Both fail. There’s too much and it’s fireproof) as the Spider Queen attacks.

Edgar pushes Trey away and is bitten.

He falls to his knees, his mind already falling victim to the Spider Queen’s control as she spins webs over him.

Page 7

Trey moves to save Edgar but the Spider King fires webbing at her and pulls her toward its gaping jaws.

The Spider Queen moves her body, forcing Edgar to move to kill his sister.

Edgar resists, his movements causing the Spider Queen to make her minions free Trey.

Trey grabs the webbing and leaps onto the King Spider

Trey chokes the King Spider with it’s own webs.

The Spider Queen and her spiders are overwhelmed by the cybernetic death thrall signals and fall down, dead or unconscious themselves.

***NOTE: Okay… This sucker wrapped up quick. I need one panel of Edgar with new respect for Trey. Obviously I still have some cutting and shifting to do so I can have a proper finale. Your thoughts would be most appreciated. – Rob

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

First off, you don’t need the “start-with-action-move-to-flashback-and back-to-present” opening.  Once you get to the actual flashback sequence, it moves towards action in three panels or so, which would put action on the first page if you simply started there and told the story linearly.

SUGGESTIONS ON TIGHTENING:
Using the more linear opening scene, try to get to the giant spider web at the top of page three, instead of the bottom, and introduce the queen spider at the bottom of three, with the off panel voice, giving her a reveal on page four.  Pop out the giant spider a panel or so later on page four as well.  That way you can start the physical stuff a couple of pages earlier, and let the expositional stuff happen while they’re leaping and ducking and trying to set things on fire.  It lets you get to Edgar’s caretaker mode earlier, and let’s Trey do something impressive at the TOP of page seven, instead of the bottom of seven…leaving you a three panel sequence to deal with the relationship stuff in the aftermath.

And really try to get to five or six panels per page.  Some of these count out to seven, I think.

Ty the Guy.


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