Home > Scripts > OLD WOUNDS – Outline by Mike Marano, with notes!

OLD WOUNDS – Outline by Mike Marano, with notes!

Old Wounds

Synopsis by Mike Marano

Page 1 – A New System

  • Arthur and Holmes Inc. lab tech Maury Clayton finish installing the new BioTech supercomputer (with organic liquid memory hard drive, nanotech, etc).
  • Artie leaves Maury to load the case files as he has an appointment to keep.
  • Maury, a Moriarty enthusiast, starts with all of the facts, case notes & dossiers relating to Professor James Moriarty, nemesis of Sherlock Holmes.

Page 2 – Ghost in the Machine – Moriarty Reborn!

  • Maury sneezes as the newly online system is fed this info, introducing a biological virus into the system, fusing the Moriarty data and the bio-liquid core. The system becomes self-aware and attacks the nearest body, encasing /absorbing Maury. Should look horrific. Tentacles?
  • Its first order of business: Where is Sherlock Holmes? His old foe must be defeated and humiliated. Two matches are found. Trey and Number 2 are both in the gym/workout area, where Number 2 is congratulating Trey, “Good show Trey.” This training zone is large and adjacent to their pool.
  • Moriarty initiates the building lockdown procedure.

Page 3 – Meanwhile:Holmes on the (firing) Range/Office Politics

 

  • Elizabeth is in the firing range with Arthur, teaching him the finer points of marksmanship.
  • She explains that sometimes a well-placed single shot can do more than a hail of gunfire.
  • Also shown is a brief scene where Edgar is meeting with a billionaire who’s had an artifact in his collection stolen when the security shutters deploy and the doors and windows become sealed. The building’s in lockdown!

Page 4 – LockDown / Stalking Sherlock(s)

 

  • As the security protocols lock down the building, Arthur thinks quick and slides under the blast door sealing the firing range, leaving Elizabeth there.
  • Edgar accepts that he’s out of this fight. Turns away and pops a pill in shadow.
  • Number Two and Trey are ready for anything in the large gym when Moriarty slowly walks down the entrance ramp, looking inhuman (techno-organic face & hands, altered by nanomites, veins like circuits,) but his overall shape is still humanoid, and still wearing Maury’s shirt & tie (collar up/cravat?) and lab coat. Long-ish hair, confusable with wires. Techno-1880s look.
  • Refined and deadly, he even has a gentleman’s cane/weapon. Explains that he will humiliate and defeat (perhaps kill?) them both.

Page 5 – Tragic Encounter / Moriarty vs Two Sherlocks!

 

  • Trey Keeps Moriarty busy with swordplay & poetry. Moves from training zone to pool area & multi-level diving platform. They ascend the platform as they fight.
  • Moriarty references his “memories”, like Sebastian Moran or the John Douglas affair in Vermissa Valley (The Valley of Fear) while he fights/rants.
  • Some of his clothes are cut away – exposed arms & chest seem to be encased in a type of exoframe, the Bio-liquid visibly pumping through it. Maury’s intact.
  • They must deduce how to defeat Moriarty. E.M.P.? Extreme cold? Heat?
  • Number 2 figures it out. During the fight he sees that at the base of Moriarty’s skull at the top of his spine, there’s an interface plug.

Page 6 – Fight for Four Lives!

 

  • Arthur arrives, toting Clint & Burt and sees Trey atop the platform. “Maury.” “Artie.”
  • Makes quips about Moriarty. “Can I call it Artie-Ficial Intelligence? And Moriarty? Is that an acronym? Does it stand for Mechanized Organism Recalibrated for Intelligence, Analytical Research & Treasonous Yearnings?”
  • Number 2 tells Arthur what to do. He’s ready and eager to unload with both barrels blazing, but he remembers Elizabeth’s words, “sometimes a well-placed single shot can do more than a hail of gunfire…”

Page 7 – Arthur Saves the Day/To the Victor, the Spoils!

  • Arthur holsters Burt. Aims Clint. Stops. Breathes.
  • Trey sees Arthur and lunges to slice the interface plug, and is blocked as she hoped/planned. Leaves Moriarty open.
  • Arthur squeezes the trigger. Direct hit, severs the plug. Moriarty topples to the platform’s edge. “I’ll not be beaten. Not like this. Not like…at… Reichenbach.” Falls into the pool. Lockdown ends.
  • Trey & Number 2 embrace, the latter declares, “We’ve lived up to the name Sherlock Holmes.” Trey: “That we have.” Walks. Stops. Turns. “Also… Good show Father.”
  • Arthur: “Maury will be fine but the liquid core is unsalvageable. It’s lost. I’ll deal with the clean-up guys. You get Maury to sick bay. After all, this tech is mine…”
  • Last panel: “…All Mine.” Story ends with Arthur sitting alone, regarding the exoframe & INTACT bio-liquid core floating within a stasis cylinder. Ominous. Will we see this Moriarty exoframe again?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mike, that’s an excellent first draft of the story map.  There’s much here to love, especially that it’s paced a little breezier (though there’s still a few spots that get a little crowded).  I think you could push the last bit of page 2 (a very action filled page) onto the top of page 3 (a less crowded page) just for space, and perhaps move the sneeze onto page one for much the same reason.

The last half of the story is about Maury becoming a physical threat and attacking them in fine cyborg style…the team fights back with swords and well placed bullets.  Could we have just a little brain power from our heroes as well?   Love the shooting and sword play, but a hint of outsmarting is needed…something to maneuver him to a vulnerable location (such as up the stairs or towards the pool) rather than always being reactive, they’re the pro-active ones in the fight.  Rob’s notes include asking for more deductions in the story, and he’s absolutely right.

In fact:  Rob’s notes are as follows (and worth the read).
————

Page 1 –  I wonder if Maury’s sneeze could happen in the final panel of page one to bridge to the net page where we see it infecting the computer?  that leaves page two entirely for the engulfment and transformation.
Just a note that Number 2 would be taking charge and checking in with his team here. He is the leader. Mike’s idea of combing biotech with a Victorian sensibilty in terms of design is quite exciting and challenging.
Page 5 – Trey can be deducing how Moriarity thinks by a combination of her knowledge of the Moriarity files and Maury. Number 2 should be thinking on a whole different level, helping Trey in his way.
I wonder if we’re missing out by not having Number 2 fight alongside his daughter?   He was trained by one of the deadliest men on the planet, his Dad. And he trained all his kids.
Page 6 – Artie has no deductive moment.
Page 7 –  I like your idea that the high dive at Holmes Inc. is called the Reichenbach Fall.  It’s a subtler reference than Maury’s dialogue. The fall off the board is reference enough.
I am loving the last panel!  I can see Artie lit by the bio tech light, giving it an ominous feel.
Cheers, Rob
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