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Eight Seconds to Mayhem – Revised Script

Hey there all. I will try to catch up with all the postings in the next day or two.  First up, is Kathleen’s most excellent revised script. Bring on the clown fightin’!



Eight Seconds to Mayhem!

By Kathleen Gallagher

Art by Danny Setna

________________PAGE ONE (3 panels)_______________________

++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE++++++++++++++++++

EXT. MURPHTEK CORPORATION’S RODEO & EXPO GROUNDS – DAY  (Establishing shot of the farming expo grounds and rodeo. Should be similar to the CNE. There’s a small crowd of protestors clashing with a group of cowboys and security guards in front of the main gates.)


Houston, Texas. MurphTek’s  Farmers’ Expo and Rodeo showcases the cutting edge of agricultural science alongside old-fashioned Texan brawn.


But the company’s genetic research has made the event a lightning rod for controversy.

+++++++++++PANEL TWO+++++++++++++

(Edgar and Elizabeth arrive on horseback, cutting through the crowd in dramatic fashion. Edgar is dressed in a “dandy cowboy” look, complete with hat. Elizabeth will be in her regular Holmes Inc. action suit, with some slight Western flare, like a cowboy hat.)


Make way, ladies and gentlemen! There’s no time to waste.

Story title & credits

++++++++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++++++

(Edgar dismounts his horse with a flourish, doffing his hat at Sheriff Doris Grant. She looks at Edgar with a mix of horror and amusement. Elizabeth looks on, with a wry smile. She knows Edgar is in for a rough time from the Texans.)


Sheriff Grant! Good to see you again. This is my cousin–


Edgar Holmes the Second, madam.

Here to save your rodeo for queen and country.


________________PAGE TWO (5 panels)______________________

++++++++++PANEL ONE+++++++++++

INT. HALLWAY OF RODEO HEADQUARTERS – DAY (Edgar, Elizabeth and Sheriff Doris have entered rodeo headquarters, and are racing down the hallway towards a conference room.)


The problem isn’t those protestors, sheriff. It’s bigger than that.

Eco-terrorist Theo Slater has escaped custody and we believe he’s targeted the rodeo.


I’ve gathered staff in the conference room. My officers are at your disposal.

++++++PANEL TWO+++++

(Edgar, Elizabeth & Sheriff Doris enter the conference room. This should be a fairly large panel, so we can see our supporting characters: Jolene, Cassidy and McMurphy.)


This is Mayor Larry Cassidy, and our rodeo director, Jolene Melchett.

You know Mr. McMurphy, our patron.


I won’t have my expo ruined by some tree-hugging freak!


Slater’s methods may be unorthodox, but he’s also sloppy and obvious. Although it’s enough to befuddle the local authorities.

+++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++

(Doris is offended, so Elizabeth steps between her and Edgar. Meanwhile, Edgar grabs a rodeo staffer from the hallway, who is already occupied, carrying a box of supplies.)


Slater’s gang has stolen a slew of lab equipment and chemicals.

Mixed together as a drug, it causes severe aggression and rabies-like symptoms in livestock.


You there, fetch me a cup of tea. And make sure the water is freshly boiled.

++++++++++++PANEL FOUR++++++++++

(Elizabeth continues the briefing. Jolene laughs at the mention of the GM cows, whilst nervously fiddling with a dangling earring. McMurphy glares at her.)


Slater is going to sabotage MurphTek’s genetically modified cattle.

The ones you’re premiering to the public tomorrow, Mr. McMurphy.


Oh, yes, the amazing fart-free cows!


Reducing livestock methane emissions is serious science, Jolene.

+++++++++PANEL FIVE+++++++

(Edgar stands haughtily, his arms folded. He looks bored. Elizabeth winces at his remarks.)


Frankly, I doubt it will make a difference. Whenever I visit Texas, my clothes require industrial-strength dry cleaning to rid them of the stench.


Now see here, you pompous–

++++++++PANEL SIX+++++++

(Elizabeth smiles, and cracks a joke, lightening the mood. Everyone laughs but Edgar, who looks annoyed.)


Y’all will have to excuse Edgar.

He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.

____________________PAGE THREE (4 panels)____________________

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(EXT. DAY: THE RODEO GROUNDS. After the meeting, Elizabeth & Edgar stroll through the exhibition grounds, looking for clues. Edgar is cranky.)


When we took this case my biggest question was who is bankrolling Slater. But that certainly cleared things up.


I’m surprised you were paying attention. By the end of that meeting,you were all carrying on like giggling schoolgirls.

+++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL TWO++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth stops in her tracks to lecture Edgar. Edgar rolls his eyes.)


Aw, is precious Edgar jealous that he isn’t the belle of the ball? This is Texas, not Eton.  You need to win their respect.

++++++++++++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Edgar spots two rodeo clowns hauling supplies on the far side of the panel.)


Listen, I know what it’s like to feel out of place. It’s tough.


Spare the pop psychology for another time. Look at those clowns.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FOUR++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Main focus of the panel should be our nefarious rodeo clowns. Edgar and Elizabeth check them out.)


Body language is all wrong. I doubt those boys have ever touched a horse, let alone rode one. And those boots… (con’t)


Brand new, but covered with chemical stains.

______________________PAGE FOUR (4 panels)________________

++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE++++++++++++++++++++

(EXT. – SLATER’S TRAILER, NEAR THE RODEO STABLES AND HOLDING PENS – DAY. Edgar and Elizabeth are on the edge of the panel, and we can see the clowns meeting with Theo Slater, outside the trailer. He holds a small bag of the tainted feed.)


Got here just in time. Slater’s has a feedbag with him.

+++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL TWO+++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth and Edgar tackle the goons, as Slater runs off with the feedbag.)


Holmes Incorporated? Stop them, any way you can!


Get back here, Slater, you fiend!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(The fight continues in the background, as Slater runs up to an already imposing-looking bull in a holding pen. He feeds it some of the tainted food.)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FOUR+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(The bull quickly becomes rabid and monstrous, breaking free of his pen. Bystanders run for cover.)


(Sound FX for the breaking pen)


______________________PAGE FIVE (5 panels)________________

+++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE+++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth and Edgar have dispatched the goons. Elizabeth pulls out an Epi-pen, and hands it to Edgar.)


I mixed up an antidote ahead of time. It’ll take more than bullets to put him down in that state.


Say no more.

++++++++++++++PANEL TWO+++++++++++++

(Elizabeth lassos a rope around the bull’s horns and manages to distract him just before he plows into a group of terrified children.)


Oof! Now, Edgar!

++++++++++++++++++PANEL THREE+++++++++++++++++

(Edgar has climbed up on a nearby fence and leaps onto the crazed bull.)


I’ll say this for Texas. There’s never a dull moment.

++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FOUR ++++++++++++++++++

(Yee-haw! Bull riding! Edgar grabs the rope with one hand, and in the other one, stabs the bull with the Epi-pen.)

++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FIVE+++++++++++++++++

(The bull collapses and Edgar topples to the ground.)


Whoo-eee! He lasted 10 seconds! That’s a new record!

_________________PAGE SIX (6 panels)__________________________

+++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE+++++++++++++++++++++++++

(A crowd has gathered to cheer wildly for Edgar, who tips his hat in appreciation. But Elizabeth grabs his arm, eager to find Slater.)


What, only 10? Next time I’ll make more of an effort.


You can showboat later. We need to find Slater.

++++++++++++++++++++PANEL TWO+++++++++++++++++++

EXT. – TRAILER ON A DUSTY ROAD – DAY. (Parked outside the trailer are two pickup trucks.)

SLATER (off-panel)

I want my money! Facing the Holmes family wasn’t part of the deal!

+++++++++++++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++++++++++++

INT. TRAILER INTERIOR. DAY.( Slater faces us, angry. He is yelling at his benefactor, who is in our foreground. But we cannot yet see the benefactor, since she is obscured by shadow.)

JOLENE (off-panel)

You’re not getting another cent, Slater. You didn’t finish the job. I want McMurphy ruined!



I should have never teamed up with you. You don’t care about the Earth, you just want revenge on an ex-boyfriend!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FOUR++++++++++++++++++++++

(The villain steps out of the shadows and is… Jolene, the rodeo director! She’s unhinged, clutching a rocks glass filled with booze.)


Ditching me for that trollop was only part of the story! He stole my own cosmetics company out from under me! I’ll make him pay!

++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FIVE+++++++++++++++++++++

(Edgar & Elizabeth burst through the door of the trailer, pointing their guns at Slater & Jolene.)


My, you Americans do like to vent.


Both of you are under arrest.


What? How did you find me?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL SIX+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth slaps handcuffs on Slater, while Edgar strolls over to Jolene.)


Jolene, you were  sweatin’ like a turkey the day before Thanksgiving back at the briefing. A little digging turned up some curious uses of rodeo funds.


Using Jolene’s makeup line for the clown makeup, Slater? Like I said, sloppy and obvious.

_______________________PAGE SEVEN (4 panels)___________________

++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE++++++++++++++++++

EXT. EXPO GROUNDS. DAY. (Expo grounds chilli cook-off contest. A long table is set up with several pots of steaming chilli. Edgar and Elizabeth are at the centre of attention as they sample the food in front of an appreciative crowd. Mayor Cassidy sidles up to Edgar.)


You’re welcome in Houston anytime, Mr. Holmes. You got more guts than you can hang on a fence.


Why, thank you, mayor. I think.

++++++++++++++++++++PANEL TWO+++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth leans over to whisper in Edgar’s ear.)


Don’t worry. Your ordeal is almost over. We head home within the hour.


See, that’s the problem with you city slickers. Always in a rush.

+++++++++++++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth looks surprised. But Edgar points out two flirtatious cowgirls nearby.)


You need learn how to relax, Elizabeth. As for me, I fully intend to repay this generous Texan hospitality.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FOUR++++++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth laughs and shrugs as Edgar strolls off with the girls.)


Best of luck, partner. After five bowls of Texas chili, you’re going to need it.


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