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Old Wounds – Final Draft

Hey all!  Rob here.  Still catching up with the posting.

Here is the updated, latest draft of Mike Marano’s opus, “Old Wounds”

Mike updated us on the changes thusly:

Here’s the latest and greatest version of my script.

Redundancies have been taken care of throughout and I gave all of the dialogue another pass to make it sound more natural. Or as natural as globetrotting master detectives can sound.

In the online notes, you say, ” ‘You’ll live to regret that,  no wait,  no you won’t‘ is clunky.”  and you’re right. Luckily that line isn’t in my script. I left my version in, because in my head the delivery of that line works, in a Joss Whedon-y way. That said, you guys have written a heck of a lot more (TV, comics, books, etc)  than me and are here to tell me when my brain is wrong. Mistakes are made usually because it sounded like a good idea in the person’s head! Moriarty’s dialogue went from elaborate with obscure references (these never made it to script) to simple and sinister and I think what’s there works. We know that he knows everything that he knows by virtue of seeing him absorb all of the files at the beginning – we don’t need him parroting off facts like he did in the early outline.

I also tweaked Trey’s poems. Three seems like the right amount for the story, but I could lose that last one if we need the real estate.

The incongrous narrative about him being consumed by his work I left alone because everyone (including me) really liked that addition. That’s about it.  Have a great weekend guys and see y’all Wednesday.  -Mike

So here’s “Old Wounds” in all it’s glory! And my apologies for the screwed up formatting. I tried to fix as much as I could buy WordPress certainly changes things up when you drop the script files in.

– Pinc

 

Old Wounds

By Mike Marano

(April 1, 2011)

 

******* PAGE ONE (6 panels)

 

Panel One +++++++

(Panels one to three occupy the top third of the page)

 

 

A close-up shot of Arthur’s eye in one corner of the panel and Maury’s eye in the diagonally opposite corner (bottom-left vs top-right), both looking down at something.

ARTHUR

…And that should about do it. We just need to tighten the core in.

MAURY

This is tricky Art. Man, I thought my fencing required precision. Ah, here we go.

Panel Two +++++++

A close-up POV from their perspective, as their hands both twist the circular cover into place over the ominous sphere containing the bio-core liquid.

ARTHUR (off panel)

I chose you for this because you’re our best lab tech, Maury. There, that’s it. Nicely done. Now we’re equipped with the only supercomputer on Earth with a liquid bio-core.

MAURY (off panel)

I can’t wait to start loading the data onto that gorgeous organic liquid memory hard drive Artie. We’ll never fill it up, and with the incorporated nanotechnology, the possibilities are…

 

Panel Three +++++++

Medium shot of Maury regarding the bio-core as Arthur waves goodbye as he leaves the room.

ARTHUR

Well, since you can’t wait, then by all means start loading it up with whatever you like first. I’ve got an appointment to get to. And my two pals and I don’t want to keep her waiting.

MAURY

No problem. I have a feeling that this…

 

Panel Four +++++++

(This panel occupies the entire middle third of the page.) [cont’d]

A long shot establishing the entirety of the computer lab, which looks almost cathedral-like.

Title Caption: OLD WOUNDS.

MAURY

is going to be the experience of a lifetime.

Panel Five +++++++

(Panels five and six occupy the bottom third of the page.)

Caption: Sometime later…

A medium shot of Maury, in his lab coat (and shirt, tie & slacks) dictating into his recorder while loading information into and then sneezing on the computer and the bio-core.

MAURY

Maury Clayton audio files continued: Just about finished entering my personal favourite dossiers – all of the Moriarty case files and … KA-CHOO!

MAURY (separate caption balloon)

Ugh. On top of crazy workload, I think I’m getting sick…

 

Panel Six +++++++

An extreme close-up of the liquid bio-core. Something is happening within. Activity.

Caption :…what else could go wrong?

 

******* PAGE TWO (6 panels)

 

Panel One +++++++

(Panels one and two occupy the top third of the page)

A medium shot of Maury taking off in his lab coat as he sits in front of the workstation entering more data. Something is looking behind him in the dark and tentacle-like wires are creeping out from the shadows.

MAURY

Just…about done.  Now it’s off to my fencing class and then the bar with Woo and Sitwell. What’s…?

Panel Two +++++++

An extreme close up of Maury’s face with a look of terror/surprise/fear as we see the tentacle/wire tips moving from all corners of the panel toward the centre of his face.

MAURY

Aaah!

Panel Three +++++++

(Panels three, four and five occupy the middle third of the page)

Long shot of Maury being lifted up clean off the ground by his face via the tentacles, his arms flailing at the wires. His shirt has been removed. [cont’d]

Caption: Holmes Inc agents Woo and Sitwell were asked later why they were meeting Maury…

Panel Four +++++++

Medium shot of Maury’s body in profile, suspended in air, being encased between two halves of tech covering the front and back of his torso, effectively wrapping around his upper body. The front chest-side has the bio-core located in its centre.

Caption:… and they said the answer was simple. Maury was adamant about maintaining both his extra-curricular activities and his social life…

 

Panel Five +++++++

Bird’s eye view long shot of Maury spread-eagled on the ground. Still. His legs pointing to the top of the panel and his head pointed at the bottom, with the wire-tentacles still enveloping his face.

Caption: …because he didn’t want to be consumed by his work.

 

Panel Six +++++++

(Panels six occupies the bottom third of the page)

A tight shot of a computer monitor displaying this text:

Searching for.. SHERLOCK HOLMES.

Accessing… Accessing.

Two Matches Found: Sherlock Holmes The Second [a/k/a “Number 2”] and Sherlock Holmes The Third [a/k/a/ “Trey”]

Location: Training Zone #2.

..And an image (medium shot) of Number Two and Trey in the training zone together. Trey has just completed a complex somersaulting maneuver. Number Two trying to connect with the distant Trey. His hand is reaching toward her shoulder. At the top of the image a pair of giant, sinister eyes, can be seen looking down on them (it’s the reflection of Moriarty’s eyes in the monitor).

NUMBER TWO

Good  show, Trey.

 

******* PAGE THREE (7 panels)

 

Panel One +++++++

(Panel one and two occupy the top third of the page, with panel two being twice as big as panel one)

Long shot, overhead  3/4 view of Elizabeth and Arthur at the Holmes Inc firing range They’ve clearly just finished firing as smoke is coming out of Elizabeth’s single gun and out of both of Artie’s handguns, Clint and Burt. [cont’d]

ELIZABETH

You know you can’t always run in half-cocked with both of those barrels blazing, Arthur.

 

Panel Two +++++++

Medium shot of Elizabeth standing on the far left of the panel, hand on her hip with her gun arm resting, with the barrel pointed up in the air. Arthur is on the far right of the panel  his guns up in the air as if he was shooting something as he’s speaking. The word balloons of their exchange alternate in the middle of the panel, one atop the other.

ARTHUR

But they’re a TEAM!

ELIZABETH

Your inaccurate gunplay has had consequences, Arthur.

ARTHUR

A GREAT TEAM!

ELIZABETH

The Warlock of Fireball Island almost got away. TechnoWolf got the drop on you and nearly killed you. During our battle with the NinjaSpies of Neptune, your stray shot cracked the already weakened SeaDome.

 

Panel Three +++++++

(Panels three, four and five occupy the middle third of the page.)

Elizbeth places her hand on Arthur’s shoulder as he talks and looks up in the air trying to justify his choices.

ARTHUR

Almost got away. Nearly killed me. As for the fight with those Sea Monkeys, I – {sigh} – maybe I see your point Elizabeth,

ELIZABETH

Sometimes a well-placed single shot can do more than a hail of gunfire.

 

Panel Four +++++++

Medium shot from a POV from above and behind Edgar sitting at his desk. A middle-aged man is facing Edgar with his palms flat on Edgar’s desktop.

Caption: Meanwhile, in Edgar’s office.

BILLIONAIRE

Do you know who I am, Mr. Holmes? [cont’d]

 

Panel Five +++++++

Long, 3/4 overhead shot with the man on the right and the seated Edgar on the left.

EDGAR

Aside from the fact that you’re a wealthy left-handed newlywed who just stopped smoking? No, not a thing.

BILLIONAIRE

What? But.. How could you possibly know that ?

 

Panel Six +++++++

Medium shot of Edgar seated behind his desk (a reverse of panel four), brushing his nails against the lapel of his vest and looking absentmindedly out the window, bored and seeking a more worthy distraction. The back of the Billionaire’s head can be seen at the bottom of the panel.

EDGAR

Your clothes signify your wealth, as I’m sure you intended. Your belt is notched by a left handed person – you. Nicotine is evident on your fingertips, but your clothes don’t smell of smoke. And since you got here, you haven’t stopped fiddling with the wedding band that you clearly aren’t used to yet.

BILLIONAIRE

My Valentina doesn’t like the smoke, you see, and …I SAY! That’s not why I’m here Holmes. A priceless artifact from my collection has been stolen, I tell you. It’s the…

 

Sound Effect Caption: BWOOP-WOOP-WOOP

 

Panel Seven +++++++

A large panel showing all three groups of people (Trey & Number Two, Edgar & the Billionaire, and Arthur and Elizabeth) reacting to the security claxon as the building goes into lockdown and the security shutters and blast-doors close. The groups can be broken up by the word-effects (BWOOP-WOOP! Or something to that effect) of the alarm taking the place of conventional panel borders.

 

******* PAGE FOUR (6 panels)

Panel One (Panels one two and three occupy the top third of the page)

A close/medium shot of Arthur sliding under one of the closing blast-doors and towards the camera, with Clint and Burt in his hands.

ARTHUR

Safe!

 

Panel Two +++++++

Canted medium/long 3/4 overhead shot of Edgar and the Billionaire in his office. Edgar is near the top of this small panel, facing away from the Billionaire and standing with one hand on his hip and his other fist up by his head. The billionaire looks on at Edgar from the bottom of the panel.

EDGAR

Full lockdown.

Panel Three +++++++

Extreme close up of Edgar. His face covered mostly in shadow, he pops a pill into his mouth with a flick of his thumb.

EDGAR

We’re out of this fight.

 

Panel Four +++++++

(Panels four and five occupy the middle third of the page)

Tight medium shot of Number two and Trey. Number two is spinning around, mid sentence and Trey has both swords drawn. More of the detail can be seen on the Holmes Inc. training suits.

NUMBER TWO

Trey, we have to ascertain…

TREY

Father, behind you!!

 

Panel Five +++++++

A grand introductory shot of the reborn Moriarty descending the entrance ramp to the training zone almost as if he’s walking down a grand staircase in all of his techno-1880s glory. He’s wearing the lab coat and shirt and tie (like a cravat) and seems to be carrying a cane. Maury’s face has been twisted by the nanomites and some tech is visible above the collar, veins look like circuits, and his long-ish hair is almost confusable with wires.

MORIARTY

You both bear the name of my nemesis, Sherlock Holmes. Yet neither of you are he. No matter, my new eyes tell me that you are indeed related to him…

 

Panel Six +++++++

(Fills the entire bottom of the page)

A wide/long shot in which Moriarty leaps towards Number Two and Trey, his cane/ sword drawn as they put their guard up. Trey hold one sword above her head and the other in front of her and Number Two puts his fists up.

MORIARTY

… And the punishment for that is humiliation… then DEATH.

 

******* PAGE FIVE (7 panels)

 

Panel Two +++++++

(panels one and two occupy the top third of the page)

A medium/long shot of Moriarty viciously bringing his cane down hard on Trey and her blocking it with her swords crossed in an X. Number Two can be seen running toward Moriarty from behind.

NUMBER TWO

Trey! That’s Maury the lab tech! Something must have gone wrong with the installation of the new bio-core. From what he said, it’s obvious he thinks he’s Moriarty.

MORIARTY

Die.

 

TREY

Your Thrusts Are Turned

Your Strikes Repelled

Your Blade Won’t Pierce

This Mortal Shell

 

Panel Two +++++++

A long, side-shot of Moriarty pivoting and kicking Trey forcefully with his extended left leg and connecting hard with into Number Two’s stomach with his outstretched cane in his right hand. Almost like a deadly ballet pirouette. The swimming pool and diving platform can be partially seen as the fight moves towards it.

MORIARTY

Pathetic.

Panel Three +++++++

(Panels three and four occupy the middle third of the page)

Trey backflips (or back-handsprings) out of the kick and lands on her feet in the background while in the foreground Moriarty can be seen dragging Number Two by his neck towards her. They’re at the base of the Olympic level diving platform.

MORIARTY

I really expected more from –

 

Panel Four +++++++

Number Two grabs onto both of Moriarty’s forearms from behind in a moment of surprise leaving him open for Trey to strike, and strike she does, slicing at the front of Moriarty in an outward scissor motion.

 

TREY

By My Skilled Hands

My Swords, My Art

What Once Was One

Now Cleaves Apart! [cont’d]

 

MORIARTY

Bah.

Panel Five +++++++

(Panels five six and seven occupy the bottom third of the page)

Shirt shredded, Moriarty discards Number Two with one arm and the torn remains of his shirt & tie with the other standing revealed as the techno-organic monstrosity he and Maury have become. It is very clear that the exoframe is only covering his torso and back, but is attached to him like a parasite. The bio-core is visible with its liquid bubbling in the front chest region. He still has the lab coat on. Trey is ascending the platform ladder.

TREY

Father!! I think we found the bio-core. He’s wearing it.

MORIARTY

Arrogant child, You’ll live to regret that. Actually, no. You won’t.

 

Panel Six +++++++

Long Shot. Number Two (with his back to the camera) is on the ground watching Trey and Moriarty furiously engaged in sword combat atop the platform.

NUMBER TWO

Wait. What’s his gambit? I couldn’t see this before. A feint, balestra*, lunge, disengage, fleche, parry… He’s avoiding In Quartata** and favouring the coup passé***? But the only possible reason to do that is if…if you’re specifically protecting your back.

 

Caption (at bottom):

* A quick forward hop or leap

**A fencing attack which conceals your front while exposing your back.

***A cross-stepping maneuver that keeps you facing your opponent.

Panel Seven +++++++

Close up shot, from the shoulders up of Trey and Moriarty, swords locked. She’s barely keeping his cane/sword at bay with both of hers. An inset (circular) panel shows the detail of an interface plug coming from the metal collar of the exoframe and connecting into Maury’s neck, at the base of his skull at the top of his spine. Trey’s face is clenched, as if she’s wincing. Moriarty is smiling wildly

MORIARTY

You’re growing tired, child. Time to die.

 

******* PAGE SIX (8 panels)

(8 panels)

Panel One +++++++ (Panels one, two and three occupy the top third of the page)

A door slides opens and Arthur arrives, having cyber-picked the lock.

ARTHUR

Maury.

MORIARTY (OP)

Artie.

ARTHUR

Can I call you Artie-Ficial Intelligence? And you’re supposed to be Moriarty, I guess? Is that an acronym? Does it stand for Mechanized Organism Recalibrated for Intelligence, Analytical Research & Treasonous Yearnings?

MORIARTY (OP)

Idiot. Not even worthy of my attention.

Panel Two +++++++

Close up on Number Two whispering to Arthur who’s got both guns drawn.

NUMBER TWO

Artie, sever the connection between the exoframe holding the bio-core and Maury’s nervous system. There’s an interface plug on the back of his neck.

ARTHUR

I figured. It’s hardwired into his brain and spine. If I empty both mags into him, at least one bullet SHOULD… no, I’ve got a better idea.  Safer for Trey too. Well, sort of. I hope.

 

Panel Three +++++++

Medium/long shot of Artie kneeling and holstering one of his guns.

Caption: “Sometimes a well-placed single shot can do more than a hail of gunfire…”

 

Panel Four +++++++

(Panels four and five occupy the middle third of the page)

A close up shot from the POV of Arthur’s gunsight.  Trey is looking directly at Arthur wide-eyed and Moriarty is ignoring him. The crosshairs are close to the interface plug.

ARTHUR (OP)

Trey! Sever the plug at the back of his neck!

 

Panel Five +++++++

Medium shot of Moriarty and Trey atop the diving platform, showing Trey bringing down her swords and Moriarty blocking both of them with his cane while he looks in the other direction back down at Arthur.

 

TREY(thought balloon) [cont’d]

Great. I’ve been reduced to being Artie’s distraction.

 

TREY

Three Holmes Aligned

We’ll End This Fight

Fate Guide My Sword

With Truth and Might!

 

MORIARTY

A painfully obvious ploy, you poor, poor, foolish –

 

Panel Six +++++++

(Panels six seven and eight occupy the bottom third of the page)

A silent panel. All that is seen is a bullet with a single motion line behind it, the severed plug lashing about and Moriarty’s wide-eyed face (with dilated pupils) and dead expression.

 

Panel Seven +++++++

Top down, bird’s eye view as he falls off the top of the diving platform. This panel can mirror Moriarty’s fall from issue one off the top of Reichenbach Falls.

 

Panel Eight +++++++


Long establishing shot / side view of the diving platform showing the distance of the fall and the splash into the pool.

 

*******PAGE SEVEN (6 panels)

 

Panel One +++++++

(Panels one two and three occupy the first third of the page)

Number Two and Trey embrace silently. Arthur folds his arms and cocks an eyebrow in the background.

ARTHUR

Don’t everybody thank me at once.

 

Panel Two +++++++

Long, full-body, hero shot of Trey, battle-damaged as if she had been walking towards camera and stopped. Number Two is standing just behind her looking proud.

NUMBER TWO

We’ve certainly lived up to the name Sherlock Holmes.

TREY

That we have.

 

Panel Three +++++++

Trey turns around and puts a hand on Number Two’s shoulder. She’s smiling.

TREY

You don’t hear it enough.

NUMBER TWO

What’s that?

TREY

Good show, Father. Bloody good show.

 

Panel Four +++++++

(Panel four is the entire middle third of the page)

Giant super panel, the BIG blast doors open and the rest of Holmes Inc. including support staff flood into the pool room. It’s a big group shot and a chance to include everyone from Old Edgar to Elizabeth to Ryan.

 

Panel Five +++++++

A top down medium shot. Maury has been fished out of the pool and is lying face up in a puddle with people surrounding him and attending to him, including Arthur.

ARTHUR

Maury will be fine but the liquid core is unsalvageable. It’s lost. Let’s get this exoframe off him. I’ll deal with the clean-up here guys. You get Maury to sick bay. After all, this tech is mine…

 

Panel Six +++++++

Artie is shown sitting in his lab, in the shadows. The only light piercing the darkness is coming from the intact bio-core within the still-functioning exoframe, floating suspended in a stasis cylinder before him.

Caption: …All Mine.

 

FINIS.

 

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Categories: Scripts
  1. Aaron Feldman
    April 13, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Quick note: On page three panels four and five there’s a brief exchange that reads as follows:

    Billionaire: Do you know who I am, Mr. Holmes?

    Edgar: Aside from the fact that you’re a wealthy left-handed newlywed who just stopped smoking? No, not a thing.

    Edgar’s reply of “no, not a thing” doesn’t come off as the correct response to “do you know who I am?” It should probably read something like:

    Billionaire: What do you know about me, Mr. Holmes?

    Edgar: Aside from the fact that you’re a wealthy left-handed newlywed who just stopped smoking? Not a thing.

    or

    Billionaire: Do you know who I am, Mr. Holmes?

    Edgar: Aside from the fact that you’re a wealthy left-handed newlywed who just stopped smoking? I haven’t the faintest idea.

    Does what I said make sense? It’s kind of like when someone asks “How’s it going?” and the person replies “Not much, you?” People do it all the time, but I wouldn’t expect it of a Holmes.

  2. April 13, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    An excellent point Aaron. We will have another round of script revisions once writers see the finished art so there are still opportunities to play with and adjust dialogue. Especially shortening it. – Pinc

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