Home > Art, Thumbnails > Safe! Thumbnails – With Notes!

Safe! Thumbnails – With Notes!

Hey all,

Here are Rachael’s initial thumbnails and the comments that guided her revisions.

– Rob

OK, here’s some revised thumbnails for pages 1-4 with some preliminary design and storytelling ideas, and some rough thumbnails (now with scripty goodness) for pages 5-7, but this set is still mostly just shot distance and page real estate ideas. If these are OK, I’ll start doing the layouts for pages 1-4, and stage 2 thumbnails for pages 5-7.  – Rachael

Ty responded with his thoughts:

These are coming along beautifully.  Here’s some very minor tweaks to make ’em perfect.

Page 1)  The obstacle course should lead from panel two, not panel one.  It can wind around and end up where it does now, but it’s starting from the wrong side of the panel

Page 2) Tweak the figure of Elizabeth on the ground up…let’s not cover her shoulders, it’s interrupting the silhouette of the figure when we don’t need to.

Page 3)  Most of the figures are a little too big for the panels they’re in.  We need a little breathing room for the lettering, and to give the figure a sense of mass.

Page 4) Again, the figure in the last panel is too tight to the edge of the panel.  Breathing room.

The last three pages:  Much the same has to be looked at…there’s no breathing room for the figures, they’re all a little crowded into their spaces.  Especially on page 6.  You don’t have to redraw anything, you can do what I did in the attached jpgs, and just adjust in photoshop, grab the figures and drop ’em back to about 85 % and they’ll flow a little better.

One note: On page six, the large figure of Elizabeth about to shoot the bad guy is not posed correctly.  No one shoots a gun like that, the brunt of the impact up your shoulder would be all wrong.  When holding a weapon, you brace yourself against the kickback, moving your chest and spine perpendicular to the weapon, not parallel to it.

Get up and pose it and you’ll see the thrust of your arm would be carried into your collarbone, and across to the other arm, without turning at the shoulder.  (That page is a little unforgiving to those tiny panels up top..consider giving them a little more space, and perhaps shrinking the big figure by about 15 %).

Ty attached some helpful visual tweaks to demonstrate what he meant.

Rae was inspired and asked for help with the handgun firing pose, since she’s never fired a gun. So we arranged to take some reference photos at last week’s meeting – with me as the badass victim and Keiren holding the gun like a badderass.

And our author, Aaron, had  final notes for Rae moving forward:

Wow Rachael, thanks for the thumbnails! I can’t wait to see how these develop. As for comments, I think I’ll defer to Ty for the most part since he has a FAR superior understanding of layout than I. Personally, I just have two comments, one more about the interpretation of how a scene unfolds, and the second an idea generated by looking at your layouts.

1) On page 5, Elizabeth finds the grate and looks into the bunker. I saw it being more of a ventilation shaft that leads somewhere. Then, the scenes in the bunker are a jump in time as she’s followed the shaft to there. For me, this accomplishes getting her INTO the bunker for the shootout. I don’t mind the alternative (her simply watching from the grate), but I imagine it’s a bit awkward getting her from that grate into the bunker in order to start shooting up the place. The grate’s a better visual, though, so I won’t be too broken up if you want to keep it as is, I’d just want to make it big enough to fit through easily or have her kick the grate in or something (there’s still the problem of coming at a group of armed soldiers from a narrow opening, but I think that could maybe work).

2) I love the final panel on page 6 (even though Ty’s right that the pose is off, I still think it LOOKS badass). So much so, that I don’t know if my dialogue in the last panel justifies the attention. I’ve been having a bit of a problem with “You’re not talking to Holmes, Inc. You’re talking to me” for a few days, deciding it’s a bit corny. So, at the risk of sounding annoying, can I ask for an extra smaller panel in that page (I know, I hate 7 panel pages and here’s my second one in the story). I’d see it playing out like this:

Panel 4: All the guards are now disarmed, cradling their various injuries. Elizabeth stands in front of Malachai, who is on his knees with his hands clasped behind his neck, sneering.

MALACHAI: You think this means something? You think you’re actually accomplishing anything?

MALACHAI: You have no idea who I’m connected to. My brother-in-law’s the freaking President of this country. Just watch; in 24 hours I’ll be up and running again.

Panel 5: Elizabeth calmly places her gun against his forehead, face neutral.

ELIZABETH: I guess you’re right.

Panel 6: Malachai, gun against his temple, starts to sputter, losing his confidence.

MALACHAI: W-What? You won’t… you can’t do that! Holmes Inc. doesn’t… doesn’t…

Panel 7 (the badass one): Malachai looks up and sees Elizabeth in all her horrifying and beaten glory, gun trained on him. By the dead serious expression on her face, you can tell she’s not fucking around.

MALACHAI (WEAKLY): …kill…

I think it’s much stronger than my previous line, since it’s showing, not telling, and seeing how you had laid out the page, I think it justifies the gravitas you gave it. It also gives you another opportunity to really sell her being a badass without my word balloons mucking up the panel. Of course, if Ty disagrees with this edit, disregard this suggestion and proceed as planned.

Rae’s revised thumbs got the Ty seal of approabl last week and we can’t wait to see the constructions on this.

Cheers all! – Pinc

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Categories: Art, Thumbnails
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