Home > Art, Thumbnails > Underwater – Final Thumbnails- With Notes!

Underwater – Final Thumbnails- With Notes!

The plot thickens, fellow Holmesians.

And now it is time for me to officially let myself go public with the final thumbnails for Yolanda Cheung’s 5 page tale of pirates of the sea with surprising depth – Underwater!
So, here is Page 1 – pretty much as you saw in my early rough.

Page 2 – Panel on feeds into the mysterious black hole. this leads into a beauty shot of the lair as the figures swim toward the airlock.

As you can see, I added two inset panels for Edgar activating his wheelchair transformation. But I think the oddly shaped panels are too much with all the rest.

I think they’d work better stacked on top of one another with straight borders. Like the rough below.

Page 3 –  I took Ty’s notes into account to balance out everything.


I also considered slight adjustments to the panel 2 shape to contrast with panel three more and point to it better. As well, I am considering having a larger full-figure of Elizabeth stepping out of her dive gear to present a sleeker, ready for action look.  That panel would run into the bleed.

I quickly sketched below what I had in mind.

Page 4 – I toyed with a CU of Liz lifting and examining the sharp horrific instruments near the bloody dolphin and screens showing horrifying stuff. But the bubbles of body parts seemed like enough.

Liz reaches into her boot holster for a gun in the BG of Panel 5 ( I can’t believe I’m making myself draw a down shot). So we could lose the CU of her pulling the gun in Panel 6 if you think it’s not needed.  (Yup! I added more panels to spread out the action and dialogue!).

Page 5 –  In panel 1, I would probably turn Edgar to face left instead of right and make sure his wheelchair-suit wheels are on the same plane as Elizabeth’s feet.

In the right margin I sketched a potential alternate position for the dolphin in panel two.

Panel 3 may not need the dolphin fin as a pointer. The panel shape itself points to panel 4. It does add some support to Elizabeth’s decision but may be overkill.  Thoughts?

So, thumbnails done, Ty hit me with the comments. (He’s already told me he loved the first page and it was unchanged.)

Page 2 – Great instinct to solidify up those overlaid panels to the left.  They work, even with the staggered panel shapes, but they work better as a stack.  I’d probably toss a thicker outline around ’em, to really glue them together.

Another excellent page.  Don’t let it go to your head, but these are very hot layouts. (I’d be making a lot more notes if they weren’t…)

Page 3 – Though I know what you’re going for with the larger figure in panel 4 of page three in the re-draw, I’m actually leaning towards the first version (3, rather than 3-a) because you’ve got enough figure work to feel right on that page, and the slightly wider shot gives me more of a sense of the environment and where everyone is.

Page 4 – Another good page…I’m happy with the spread out dialog, but let me offer this.

You’re right, we don’t really need the close up of Liz pulling out the gun, especially if we see it in the previous panel.  But you’re right, we SHOULD get a look at Liz in close up, looking at a disemboweling knife.  Here’s a suggestion:   Move panel five over to take up the right side of that wide area, drop the image on panel six, and create a NEW panel five to the left of that area, with a close up of Liz looking at the gutting weapon. 

Here’s why…her close up is BEFORE we see the room, and we don’t get a close up of her AFTER she sees the room.  I’d rather see her reaction than her anticipation, and so would a reader.  So slide over that down shot of her pulling the gun (and push her figure a little more into the panel, so it’s not so peripheral to the action) and give me that reaction shot…perhaps with an instrument that’s still a little bloody.  THEN you’ve got something on the money.

ALSO:  If you read the pages in order, there’s no moment where Liz puts the gun away from page three…so I assumed it’s still out.  Why not simply leave it out, so that there’s that sense of minor menace from her (towards the doctor) on that page, and rather than pulling it out again, she levels it at him one more time towards the bottom of four?
And you needn’t be so coy with the damaged fish and dolphins in the shot.  We’re not DC or Marvel, and you can push the gore a wee bit more for shock effect.  Besides the fact that we live in the era of SAW IV, we’re MEANT to be shocked by this image.  Think like Wrightson, and imagine what he wouldn’t leave out…

Astoundingly good work, dude.  You’ve knocked me out, and I suspect, Yolanda as well.

And may I say… HOLY SHIT, these are great!   I’m not kidding, page 1, especially.  This is magnificent layout stuff, m’friend.   – Ty

In addition to Ty’s great suggestions and some of my own thoughts, I plan to to do the following.

Pg 2 – Panel 3 – I would move the Edgar figure and the man helping him to the right to take up more of centre frame.

Pg 4 – Thanks so much for the suggestion re. Liz’s reaction to the guts. I was missing that feeling of disgust.  I would proabbly change the down shot angle a little to show goryness around Edgar and Reggie as well.

Gore ain’t my strong suit but I’ll do my best!

I also think I may have made the bleed line my panel line on all these roughs but page five. My bad. 

Yolanda also had some very helpful notes:

This is way better than I imagined! Love it, can’t wait to see more!

Some notes (mainly for me):

There’s a bit of a jump in story between page 1 and 2, so having the pirates lower their guns in the last panel of page 1 might help. It shows they’re a little more hesitant about causing any harm. I’ll try to come up with a caption for the opening of page 2 to tie things together.

Page two is gorgeous! Old Edgar looks so badass. It might help to move the smaller side panels up a bit. For me, the panel of Edgar transforming is reading before the panel of him turning the dial.

On Page 3, the panel of Edgar gassing the pirate made me laugh out loud at work. This looks great! I’m going to try to slay some babies to give more space for art.

Page 4 will require more baby slaying on my part. The expressions are great! Thanks for making my excessive demand for panels not look cluttered.

On Page 5, I like the dolphin as you’ve drawn it in the main thumbnail, it opens up more space for Elizabeth’s expression.

That’s it from me for now, or else my boss will wonder why I have awesome comic thumbnails on my desktop instead of work.

Cheers,
Yo

And so, I move on to construction!

Cheers! – Pinc

Advertisements
Categories: Art, Thumbnails
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: