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Submitting Final Art and Scripts – Guidelines

June 5, 2011 1 comment

Ola Holmes Inc -ers!

ARTISTS! As the finished art rolls in at last I just wanted to pass along some suggested re. submitting art from Ty and Keiren.

Ty points out that sending files as Tiff files with LZW compression is perfect when sending in the final files.  When sending ’em in to be approved, it’s better to reduce them to jpgs at 100 dpi, just so they open faster and smaller, but final pages as tiffs are fine.

Keiren says since I don’t have photoshop, there isn’t any reason to CC me (Rob) on the big files, just the jpg’s will do. Send Ty and Rob confirmation jpg’s and send Keiren the .tiffs.  Her e-mail address is in the group e-mails I sent out about all this.

Remember, sending large files through email will bog down her Gmail…and some of the files might end up quite large.  Keiren suggests you try and zip or Win.rar your files if you can (makes ’em smaller, saves both of you on your usage).

Best bet is for them to zip ’em and yousendit.com or anything similar you like. Keiren even has a Dropbox account if any of the students have one but yousendit should be fine.

If anyone needs/wants Dropbox, here’s a link to install the program:  http://db.tt/S23WGmN.  You can access any files you upload to it, on any computer and send messages to others giving them access to particular files or folders.

For computers in your home/possession, by installing Dropbox on each of them (rather than just accessing with a bookmark) any files you upload will be automatically updated when you make any changes to that file–saving you having to upload again and again.

WRITERS!  As soon as you get finished final authoritative completed done scripts (reworked according to the final artwork) send those along to Ty and I.

Remember also to add full credits, either in the document or in the accompanying e-mail. (Preferably in the script doc)  including artists (pencilers and inkers if we doubled up) and Keiren Smith on letters. We are getting scripts without credits that force me to add them to the e-mail.

Excelsior!

Pinc

Categories: Art, Communications, Scripts

The Green Blood Murder – Script

April 18, 2011 1 comment

It’s time to curl up with ripping, Holmes Inc. yarn, courtesy of Marshall Geddes.  We now present, The Green Blooded Murder! – Pinc

HOLMES INCORPERATED in

THE GREEN BLOODED MURDER

BY MARSHALL GEDDES

—————————————–PAGE ONE—–FIVE PANELS:

—————————————–PANEL ONE:

A close up of Edgar and Artie’s feet standing in a pool of Green blood. At the foot of the murdered woman’s wheel chair. With the title written in the pool of blood – “The Green Blooded murder”

CAPTION:

Artie’s Blog. April 22. Bellevue Hospital, New York City.

CAPTION:

Edgar and I had been assigned to investigate the murder of Ms. Margret Dubins, a ninety one year-old woman with a heart condition, the only intriguing thing about the case was her mysteriously green blood.

—————————————–PANEL TWO:

Close up on the large very bloody wounds of old Ms. Dubins.

CAPTION:

Hospital security footage showed a masked man enter the lobby and shoot a 458 Winchester Magnum three times.

CAPTION:

A very powerful gun for killing old ladies.

—————————————–PANEL THREE:

Camera pans up looking down on Edgar and Artie. They are in the lobby of Bellevue Hospital, standing over the body of a 91 year-old dead woman with 3 large gunshot wounds; one in her shoulder, one in her stomach and one directly in her heart. All of which are oozing green blood. Edgar is wearing a flamboyant trench coat and scarf. Artie sports his regular outfit with glasses and his backpack. There are a few NYPD officers standing idly around the crime scene and Dr.Czern a tall dignified doctor with big bushy eyebrows, large glasses, stark black hair and a perma-frown on his face.

CAPTION:

At the time of the murder Ms.Dubin’s chair was being wheeled by a doctor with whom Edgar attended medical School.  I knew of Dr.Czern from Edgar’s past, Czern graduated top of their class… I am not the first person to out-smart Edgar.

—————————————–PANEL FOUR:

Over the shoulder of the doctor looking down at Edgar and Artie’s faces, Edgar has a puzzled look on his face, Artie has a somewhat dazed look on his face.

DR.CZERN:

It’s been a few years Edgar…Nice outfit you’re wearing.

EDGAR:

On me… Of course it looks good.

—————————————–PANEL FIVE:

Over the shoulder shot of Edgar, Artie is looking at him. Two very eager police officers have just barged through the caution tape to demonstrate their competence to the sleuths. Edgar pays little attention to this.


NYPD OFFICER NO 1:

We won’t be needing you two anymore. Another officer just arrested the murder. Found him a few blocks over, matched the description perfectly and still had the gun on’im. Only problem is he’s yammerin’ some kinda gibberish.

 —————————————–PAGE TWO——SIX PANELS:

—————————————–PANEL ONE:

Medium action shot (wide panel) of the two cops, Edgar, Artie and the doctor. Over the shoulder shot of Edgar, he is facing us with his back to everyone else. He has his “thinking face” on.

DR.CZERN:

Well it seems someone has again beaten you to the mark Edgar. So if you have no further questions for me. I am needed by my other patients.

EDGAR:

One more thing Dr.Czern, then you can go. What medication was Ms.Dubins on?

—————————————–PANEL TWO:

The doctor is walking away from the crime scene turned toward us.  Edgar is investigating the corpse. Artie is looking at the doctor as he walks away.

DR.CHERN:

Angiotensin for her heart condition. Oh, and we had just performed blood work minutes before she was murdered.

EDGAR:

You can go.

 —————————————–PANEL THREE:

Up shot of Edgar on a knee investigating the body. There is a shadow across his face. Artie is standing above him scanning the body with his glasses.

EDGAR:

Examine her feet Artie.

—————————————–PANEL FOUR:

 Subjective shot looking through the X-RAY lenses of Artie’s glasses. At the feet of the old lady who has a normal amount of blood in her veins.

ARTIE:

All normal, no signs of ASR.

—————————————–PANEL FIVE:

Establishing shot of the police officers looking puzzled at Edgar

EDGAR:

 Just, as I presumed!

 EDGAR:

Officers, you merely have the shooter in custody, not the murder. This woman was already deceased before she was shot.

—————————————–PANEL  SIX:

Close up of Edgar as he reveals his thoughts. Over his shoulder is Artie is examining the corpse with his glasses.

EDGAR:

This woman was shot three times. If her heart was beating when she was first shot, her muscles would have tensed and undergone Acute Stress Reaction constricting the blood flow to the non essential muscles in her body.


EDGAR:

This, however, was not the case. Through the use of his X-Ray glasses, Artie is able to see that the victim’s body did not go into shock which is apparent from the blood in her appendages

EDGAR:

Concluding that the woman was dead prior to the shooting!

—————————————–PAGE THREE——FIVE PANELS:

—————————————–PANEL ONE:

Edgar is now standing with his arm raised and index finger pointing up.

EDGAR:

And Finally!

EDGAR:

The puncture wound was made by an eccentric needle, in which the needle tip is off-center in relation to the syringe. These needles are solely designed for injecting into veins rather than extracting blood!

—————————————–PANEL TWO:

 The police officers are looking at Edgar and Artie who are now standing side by side.

COP NO 2:

So she died from an injection?

EDGAR:

So it would seem!

COP NO 1:

So why would someone want to shoot a 91 year old dead woman in the middle of a hospital?

ARTIE:

Yeah, why not just do it the old fashioned way and snuff her out with a pillow?

—————————————–PANEL THREE:

Edgar is now walking down the hall towards the nurse’s station. Artie remains still. 

EDGAR:

The lobby was chosen as the staging ground to provide plenty of witnesses to the shooting.

ARTIE:

And the only possible way the shooter could have known Ms. Dubins would have been in the lobby at that moment is if he was in cahoots with Dr.Czern

EDGAR:

Absolutely Artie, and the name Czern is of Czech descent which explains the “gibberish”, AKA Slovak the shooter was speaking.

—————————————–PANEL FOUR:

Edgar and Artie are now storming down the hall.  Artie is turned toward a nurse.  Who is pointing to a stairwell.

ARTIE:

Did you see where Dr.Czern went?

NURSE:

He took the stairs.

 

 

 

—————————————–PANEL FIVE:

Edgar and Artie are facing us as they both storm towards the stairwell, to find the Doctor.

EDGAR:

Quickly, Artie. Time is fleeting as is Dr.Czern.

—————————————–PAGE FOUR—–SIX PANELS:

—————————————–PANEL ONE:

Edgar kicks open the door to the stairwell. 

EDGAR:

We mustn’t let him escape.

—————————————–PANEL TWO:

Above shot of Artie and Edgar running down the stairs. Artie is pointing down at Dr.Czern who is a few landings below them.

ARTIE:

There he is!

ARTIE:

This is going to be the perfect test case for my newest invention!

—————————————–PANEL THREE:

Edgar bursts through the ground level door, where we can see Dr.Czern running. Artie pulls out his spider gun.

—————————————–PANEL FOUR:

Artie fires the gun launching a spider web-like fluid at the doctor.

—————————————–PANEL FIVE:

The spider fluid from Artie’s gun turns into a net which knocks Dr.Czern to the ground and covers all but his face and hands.

ARTIE:

SICK!

—————————————–PANEL SIX:

Up shot from the view of Dr.Czern we can see his hands struggling to escape the webbing. Edgar and Artie are standing above him.

ARTE:

Why would you murder a 91 year old woman?

—————————————–PAGE FIVE—–EIGHT PANELS:

—————————————–PANEL ONE:

Subjective shot looking down on Dr.Czern.

EDGAR:

He didn’t murder her Artie.

DR.CZERN:

She died of natural causes, so I put her lifeless corps to good use.

—————————————–PANEL TWO:

Close up on Dr.Czern as he speaks.

DR.CZERN:

In medical school you graduated second to me Edgar… However, while you had your family’s name to carry you through life, my diligence got me no further than here.

 


—————————————–PANEL THREE:

Close up on Dr.Czern

DR.CZERN:

I felt it my duty to put your oh-so-trusted name to the test.

DR.CZERN:

Yet, it seems I have underestimated you this time.

—————————————–PANEL FOUR:

Close up profile of Edgar looking down at Dr.Czern.

DR.CZERN:

The world will one day appreciate that I am truly the most brilliant man on the planet and you are but a cluster of imitators leeching off the legacy of your ancestor’s name.  For generations to come my name will be remembered and your once-revered name will fade away.

—————————————–PANEL FIVE:

Artie laughs at the doctor as a police van arrives.

ARTIE:

Chill out man!

—————————————–PANEL SIX:

Artie and the police are loading Dr.Czern into the back of the squad van.

ARTIE:

Why the Green Blood? Why go to all this trouble to test us?

EDGAR:

He needed it to attract our attention.

—————————————–PANEL SEVEN:

The doctor is now sitting in the back of the squad van.

EDGAR:

He created the Green blood by exchanging the bonding agent in her blood from iron to copper. Thus, when her blood was exposed to the air it turned green rather than red.

DR.CZERN:

You see? She was a “nobody” and you only investigate the prestigious cases that “Daddy” assigns you Edgar. Rather than use your own moral compass to guide you. You depend on your father.

—————————————–PANEL EIGHT:

The screen of Artie’s computer.

CAPTION:

Artie’s Blog.

And that was how a hoax murder threatened the Holmes legacy. And even the best plans of Dr. Czern were coolly beaten by Edgar’s wit and my clever gadgets!

Of course I am the smartest man on the planet, Edgar’s deduction on this case would have impressed even our great ancestor.

Nicely done, Marshall! I salute you, sir! – Pinc

Categories: Scripts

Poker Face – Revised Script!

April 13, 2011 Leave a comment

Hey all!  Prepare to be bedazzled by Rain’s tale of gambling and grappling on the high seas. And enjoy how he deals from the bottom of the deck with a lovely twist ending!

Cheers!  Pinc

“Poker Face”
By Rain

——–PAGE ONE——–FIVE PANELS


1)Opening shot – a huge airfoil Cruise Ship, “Un Aire Absent” is cruising away from the coast of the Greek Island of Hydra.

Note: A word balloon makes up the title “Poker Face” which is Trey’s first line of dialogue.

Credits: By Rain

2)Edgar and Trey are making their way to their cabin, down an ornate hallway with a gorgeous view.  Trey is carrying the luggage and looks MIFFED.

Trey: Poker Face! Edgar, this is Peregrine “Poker Face” Carruther’s Floating Casino! That’s why you brought me!

Edgar: Believe what you will, Trey. I happen to think you are an excellent bellhop.
Trey: Funny. Does this mean you  actually read my research? Were you able to tie him to anything concrete?

Edgar: I’ve read your files. The writing pressure you put on the post-it notes left strong indentations, indicating your intense disgust with this man.

-They are getting ready. Trey with clip on earrings and Edgar with a bow tie.

Trey: Slippery Cajun eel. He’s covered his tracks well. All the way back to the 70s.
3) Edgar: “You found significant leads, Trey but nothing concrete. You let your emotion cloud your reason, and it can stray you from the truth.  We are in the lion’s den. We have to tread carefully.

MED SHOT – They walk along the deck of the boat. It’s stunningly ornate.

4) Trey: “Why are we here if we can’t do anything?”

CU

5) Edgar: “We can. But first we observe. And what better way than to go against Poker Face in a high-stakes game of chance?”

-WIDE SHOT of the huge casino in the bow of the boat. A  huge banner hangs that says: “San Monto’s Good Indian Seeds for Good Indian People Fund Raiser”

——–PAGE TWO ———-FIVE PANELS——–


1) Trey: “My sword. That’s a better way. I’ll have him spilling his gu- …beans in no time.”

Edgar: “No swords. Just cards.”

MED SHOT as they walk down the stairs toward the huge poker table.

2)

Trey: “Can I at least give him a paper cut?”

Edgar: “No.”

LONG SHOT as our characters are enveloped in the atmosphere…

3) Poker Face. He is a tall, slick looking man of Southern U.S./Creole origin. He has a tattoo of an upside down club over his left eye. His goatee is shaped like an upside down spade. He has contacts in his eyes. One is a diamond, and one is a heart, also upside down. He is about 65 years old.
Poker Face:

Edgah Holmes, Ah presume… and you must be young Sherlock the third.

– CU

4) Trey: Trey, actually.

Edgar: We at Holmes, Incorporated. are interested in your charity. We think helping the farmers in India is very noble.

-MED
5)

Poker Face: You hide your contempt well, but yoah little girl’s parahnoid delusions about mah legit-o-mite business dealin’s are well known. The new seed we ah developin’ will double the farmer’s output in one harvest.

——————-PAGE 3————–FIVE PANELS————————


1) Trey: Unproven spin. Your pre-release draft mentioned it was self-terminating after one generation. You have been accused of mixing a tenth of your seed with lower quality duds at triple the old cost. And isn’t it funny how an aggressive rice parasite just happened to show up in the area that prefers everybody else’s seed!

Edgar: Trey…

MED

2) Poker Face:  Ah’m afriad there ain’t no conspiracies here, lil’ mamselle. It’s all good business. We modified our pesticides accordingly.

3) Trey is clearly losing her cool. “But they only protect YOUR seed. People are starving –

Edgar: Trey-

Poker Face: We sell a superior product . One that cannot be beat, much like this.

4) Trey sees his hand, and realizes he was cheating. Edgar has a knowing smile.

Trey: Where the hell did that ace come from?

Poker Face: Ah do believe that Lady Luck smiles on me today!

5) Trey: More like LADY HURT!

Trey grabs a Crupier stick and lunges toward Poker Face.

———-PAGE 4————-FIVE PANELS


1) She is seconds from braining him when a massive, MR. T. look-alike in a delicate evening gown blocks her  attack with his cane.

Poker Face: Excellent work, Equi-T! Now teach her some cajun hospitality!

Trey notices a waiter slipping his hand into Poker Face’s pocket.

Trey (thinking): Artie – what’s HE doing he-

2) Equi-T turns the block into a throw, and tosses Trey onto the table. Trey stands up. Equi-T jumps onto the table and the two fight like in an Errol Flynn movie.

3) Trey notices that Artie has attached something to Poker Face’s cellphone, removed it and placed it back into Poker-Face’s pocket.

4) Edgar is smiling, then when he sees that Artie is done, yells out, “Trey Holmes! Stop this instant!”

5) Trey has Equi-T against the table, the Crupier tip stuffed into the goon’s left nostril.
Edgar rolls up and takes her by the arm. “My apologies, Mr. Carruthers. I’ll deal with her myself!”

—————PAGE 5——————5 PANELS


1) Poker Face: Ah should hope so, Holmes!  Such bah-barity! Take a skiff to the mainland. And as for your  tomboy, she’s lucky she ain’t swimmin’ back.

2) Edgar: “Oh, you might consider hiring her. She’s gifted at picking out bad seeds.”

3) Later in the skiff, the sun sets.

Trey: I guess I botched it, Sir.

Edgar:  Not at all. We have what we came for.

4) Trey: By “we” you mean Artie and yourself.

Edgar: Given your justified contempt of our host,  I knew how you would react, Trey.  But I needed it honest. Poker Face knew I was up to something, and knew of your idealism.  So I gave him what he expected.

5) They are interrupted by a beep.

Edgar opens his wrist-comm. Artie is on screen,

Artie: Hey Ed! We’re in business! I downloaded his cellphone memory. Even got access to his tethered laptop! I’ll meet you guys at the docks in an hour.

Edgar: Good work, Arthur. You did well. You both did, each according to your strengths.

(I’d like to add one more final panel here)

Artie: Yeah, about that… when was Trey invited to our little card game?

THE END

Well done Rain. And wait until those of you who couldn’t make last week’s meeting see Rain’s art! Prepare for the mind blowing!  – Pinc

Categories: Scripts

Old Wounds – Final Draft

April 13, 2011 2 comments

Hey all!  Rob here.  Still catching up with the posting.

Here is the updated, latest draft of Mike Marano’s opus, “Old Wounds”

Mike updated us on the changes thusly:

Here’s the latest and greatest version of my script.

Redundancies have been taken care of throughout and I gave all of the dialogue another pass to make it sound more natural. Or as natural as globetrotting master detectives can sound.

In the online notes, you say, ” ‘You’ll live to regret that,  no wait,  no you won’t‘ is clunky.”  and you’re right. Luckily that line isn’t in my script. I left my version in, because in my head the delivery of that line works, in a Joss Whedon-y way. That said, you guys have written a heck of a lot more (TV, comics, books, etc)  than me and are here to tell me when my brain is wrong. Mistakes are made usually because it sounded like a good idea in the person’s head! Moriarty’s dialogue went from elaborate with obscure references (these never made it to script) to simple and sinister and I think what’s there works. We know that he knows everything that he knows by virtue of seeing him absorb all of the files at the beginning – we don’t need him parroting off facts like he did in the early outline.

I also tweaked Trey’s poems. Three seems like the right amount for the story, but I could lose that last one if we need the real estate.

The incongrous narrative about him being consumed by his work I left alone because everyone (including me) really liked that addition. That’s about it.  Have a great weekend guys and see y’all Wednesday.  -Mike

So here’s “Old Wounds” in all it’s glory! And my apologies for the screwed up formatting. I tried to fix as much as I could buy WordPress certainly changes things up when you drop the script files in.

– Pinc

 

Old Wounds

By Mike Marano

(April 1, 2011)

 

******* PAGE ONE (6 panels)

 

Panel One +++++++

(Panels one to three occupy the top third of the page)

 

 

A close-up shot of Arthur’s eye in one corner of the panel and Maury’s eye in the diagonally opposite corner (bottom-left vs top-right), both looking down at something.

ARTHUR

…And that should about do it. We just need to tighten the core in.

MAURY

This is tricky Art. Man, I thought my fencing required precision. Ah, here we go.

Panel Two +++++++

A close-up POV from their perspective, as their hands both twist the circular cover into place over the ominous sphere containing the bio-core liquid.

ARTHUR (off panel)

I chose you for this because you’re our best lab tech, Maury. There, that’s it. Nicely done. Now we’re equipped with the only supercomputer on Earth with a liquid bio-core.

MAURY (off panel)

I can’t wait to start loading the data onto that gorgeous organic liquid memory hard drive Artie. We’ll never fill it up, and with the incorporated nanotechnology, the possibilities are…

 

Panel Three +++++++

Medium shot of Maury regarding the bio-core as Arthur waves goodbye as he leaves the room.

ARTHUR

Well, since you can’t wait, then by all means start loading it up with whatever you like first. I’ve got an appointment to get to. And my two pals and I don’t want to keep her waiting.

MAURY

No problem. I have a feeling that this…

 

Panel Four +++++++

(This panel occupies the entire middle third of the page.) [cont’d]

A long shot establishing the entirety of the computer lab, which looks almost cathedral-like.

Title Caption: OLD WOUNDS.

MAURY

is going to be the experience of a lifetime.

Panel Five +++++++

(Panels five and six occupy the bottom third of the page.)

Caption: Sometime later…

A medium shot of Maury, in his lab coat (and shirt, tie & slacks) dictating into his recorder while loading information into and then sneezing on the computer and the bio-core.

MAURY

Maury Clayton audio files continued: Just about finished entering my personal favourite dossiers – all of the Moriarty case files and … KA-CHOO!

MAURY (separate caption balloon)

Ugh. On top of crazy workload, I think I’m getting sick…

 

Panel Six +++++++

An extreme close-up of the liquid bio-core. Something is happening within. Activity.

Caption :…what else could go wrong?

 

******* PAGE TWO (6 panels)

 

Panel One +++++++

(Panels one and two occupy the top third of the page)

A medium shot of Maury taking off in his lab coat as he sits in front of the workstation entering more data. Something is looking behind him in the dark and tentacle-like wires are creeping out from the shadows.

MAURY

Just…about done.  Now it’s off to my fencing class and then the bar with Woo and Sitwell. What’s…?

Panel Two +++++++

An extreme close up of Maury’s face with a look of terror/surprise/fear as we see the tentacle/wire tips moving from all corners of the panel toward the centre of his face.

MAURY

Aaah!

Panel Three +++++++

(Panels three, four and five occupy the middle third of the page)

Long shot of Maury being lifted up clean off the ground by his face via the tentacles, his arms flailing at the wires. His shirt has been removed. [cont’d]

Caption: Holmes Inc agents Woo and Sitwell were asked later why they were meeting Maury…

Panel Four +++++++

Medium shot of Maury’s body in profile, suspended in air, being encased between two halves of tech covering the front and back of his torso, effectively wrapping around his upper body. The front chest-side has the bio-core located in its centre.

Caption:… and they said the answer was simple. Maury was adamant about maintaining both his extra-curricular activities and his social life…

 

Panel Five +++++++

Bird’s eye view long shot of Maury spread-eagled on the ground. Still. His legs pointing to the top of the panel and his head pointed at the bottom, with the wire-tentacles still enveloping his face.

Caption: …because he didn’t want to be consumed by his work.

 

Panel Six +++++++

(Panels six occupies the bottom third of the page)

A tight shot of a computer monitor displaying this text:

Searching for.. SHERLOCK HOLMES.

Accessing… Accessing.

Two Matches Found: Sherlock Holmes The Second [a/k/a “Number 2”] and Sherlock Holmes The Third [a/k/a/ “Trey”]

Location: Training Zone #2.

..And an image (medium shot) of Number Two and Trey in the training zone together. Trey has just completed a complex somersaulting maneuver. Number Two trying to connect with the distant Trey. His hand is reaching toward her shoulder. At the top of the image a pair of giant, sinister eyes, can be seen looking down on them (it’s the reflection of Moriarty’s eyes in the monitor).

NUMBER TWO

Good  show, Trey.

 

******* PAGE THREE (7 panels)

 

Panel One +++++++

(Panel one and two occupy the top third of the page, with panel two being twice as big as panel one)

Long shot, overhead  3/4 view of Elizabeth and Arthur at the Holmes Inc firing range They’ve clearly just finished firing as smoke is coming out of Elizabeth’s single gun and out of both of Artie’s handguns, Clint and Burt. [cont’d]

ELIZABETH

You know you can’t always run in half-cocked with both of those barrels blazing, Arthur.

 

Panel Two +++++++

Medium shot of Elizabeth standing on the far left of the panel, hand on her hip with her gun arm resting, with the barrel pointed up in the air. Arthur is on the far right of the panel  his guns up in the air as if he was shooting something as he’s speaking. The word balloons of their exchange alternate in the middle of the panel, one atop the other.

ARTHUR

But they’re a TEAM!

ELIZABETH

Your inaccurate gunplay has had consequences, Arthur.

ARTHUR

A GREAT TEAM!

ELIZABETH

The Warlock of Fireball Island almost got away. TechnoWolf got the drop on you and nearly killed you. During our battle with the NinjaSpies of Neptune, your stray shot cracked the already weakened SeaDome.

 

Panel Three +++++++

(Panels three, four and five occupy the middle third of the page.)

Elizbeth places her hand on Arthur’s shoulder as he talks and looks up in the air trying to justify his choices.

ARTHUR

Almost got away. Nearly killed me. As for the fight with those Sea Monkeys, I – {sigh} – maybe I see your point Elizabeth,

ELIZABETH

Sometimes a well-placed single shot can do more than a hail of gunfire.

 

Panel Four +++++++

Medium shot from a POV from above and behind Edgar sitting at his desk. A middle-aged man is facing Edgar with his palms flat on Edgar’s desktop.

Caption: Meanwhile, in Edgar’s office.

BILLIONAIRE

Do you know who I am, Mr. Holmes? [cont’d]

 

Panel Five +++++++

Long, 3/4 overhead shot with the man on the right and the seated Edgar on the left.

EDGAR

Aside from the fact that you’re a wealthy left-handed newlywed who just stopped smoking? No, not a thing.

BILLIONAIRE

What? But.. How could you possibly know that ?

 

Panel Six +++++++

Medium shot of Edgar seated behind his desk (a reverse of panel four), brushing his nails against the lapel of his vest and looking absentmindedly out the window, bored and seeking a more worthy distraction. The back of the Billionaire’s head can be seen at the bottom of the panel.

EDGAR

Your clothes signify your wealth, as I’m sure you intended. Your belt is notched by a left handed person – you. Nicotine is evident on your fingertips, but your clothes don’t smell of smoke. And since you got here, you haven’t stopped fiddling with the wedding band that you clearly aren’t used to yet.

BILLIONAIRE

My Valentina doesn’t like the smoke, you see, and …I SAY! That’s not why I’m here Holmes. A priceless artifact from my collection has been stolen, I tell you. It’s the…

 

Sound Effect Caption: BWOOP-WOOP-WOOP

 

Panel Seven +++++++

A large panel showing all three groups of people (Trey & Number Two, Edgar & the Billionaire, and Arthur and Elizabeth) reacting to the security claxon as the building goes into lockdown and the security shutters and blast-doors close. The groups can be broken up by the word-effects (BWOOP-WOOP! Or something to that effect) of the alarm taking the place of conventional panel borders.

 

******* PAGE FOUR (6 panels)

Panel One (Panels one two and three occupy the top third of the page)

A close/medium shot of Arthur sliding under one of the closing blast-doors and towards the camera, with Clint and Burt in his hands.

ARTHUR

Safe!

 

Panel Two +++++++

Canted medium/long 3/4 overhead shot of Edgar and the Billionaire in his office. Edgar is near the top of this small panel, facing away from the Billionaire and standing with one hand on his hip and his other fist up by his head. The billionaire looks on at Edgar from the bottom of the panel.

EDGAR

Full lockdown.

Panel Three +++++++

Extreme close up of Edgar. His face covered mostly in shadow, he pops a pill into his mouth with a flick of his thumb.

EDGAR

We’re out of this fight.

 

Panel Four +++++++

(Panels four and five occupy the middle third of the page)

Tight medium shot of Number two and Trey. Number two is spinning around, mid sentence and Trey has both swords drawn. More of the detail can be seen on the Holmes Inc. training suits.

NUMBER TWO

Trey, we have to ascertain…

TREY

Father, behind you!!

 

Panel Five +++++++

A grand introductory shot of the reborn Moriarty descending the entrance ramp to the training zone almost as if he’s walking down a grand staircase in all of his techno-1880s glory. He’s wearing the lab coat and shirt and tie (like a cravat) and seems to be carrying a cane. Maury’s face has been twisted by the nanomites and some tech is visible above the collar, veins look like circuits, and his long-ish hair is almost confusable with wires.

MORIARTY

You both bear the name of my nemesis, Sherlock Holmes. Yet neither of you are he. No matter, my new eyes tell me that you are indeed related to him…

 

Panel Six +++++++

(Fills the entire bottom of the page)

A wide/long shot in which Moriarty leaps towards Number Two and Trey, his cane/ sword drawn as they put their guard up. Trey hold one sword above her head and the other in front of her and Number Two puts his fists up.

MORIARTY

… And the punishment for that is humiliation… then DEATH.

 

******* PAGE FIVE (7 panels)

 

Panel Two +++++++

(panels one and two occupy the top third of the page)

A medium/long shot of Moriarty viciously bringing his cane down hard on Trey and her blocking it with her swords crossed in an X. Number Two can be seen running toward Moriarty from behind.

NUMBER TWO

Trey! That’s Maury the lab tech! Something must have gone wrong with the installation of the new bio-core. From what he said, it’s obvious he thinks he’s Moriarty.

MORIARTY

Die.

 

TREY

Your Thrusts Are Turned

Your Strikes Repelled

Your Blade Won’t Pierce

This Mortal Shell

 

Panel Two +++++++

A long, side-shot of Moriarty pivoting and kicking Trey forcefully with his extended left leg and connecting hard with into Number Two’s stomach with his outstretched cane in his right hand. Almost like a deadly ballet pirouette. The swimming pool and diving platform can be partially seen as the fight moves towards it.

MORIARTY

Pathetic.

Panel Three +++++++

(Panels three and four occupy the middle third of the page)

Trey backflips (or back-handsprings) out of the kick and lands on her feet in the background while in the foreground Moriarty can be seen dragging Number Two by his neck towards her. They’re at the base of the Olympic level diving platform.

MORIARTY

I really expected more from –

 

Panel Four +++++++

Number Two grabs onto both of Moriarty’s forearms from behind in a moment of surprise leaving him open for Trey to strike, and strike she does, slicing at the front of Moriarty in an outward scissor motion.

 

TREY

By My Skilled Hands

My Swords, My Art

What Once Was One

Now Cleaves Apart! [cont’d]

 

MORIARTY

Bah.

Panel Five +++++++

(Panels five six and seven occupy the bottom third of the page)

Shirt shredded, Moriarty discards Number Two with one arm and the torn remains of his shirt & tie with the other standing revealed as the techno-organic monstrosity he and Maury have become. It is very clear that the exoframe is only covering his torso and back, but is attached to him like a parasite. The bio-core is visible with its liquid bubbling in the front chest region. He still has the lab coat on. Trey is ascending the platform ladder.

TREY

Father!! I think we found the bio-core. He’s wearing it.

MORIARTY

Arrogant child, You’ll live to regret that. Actually, no. You won’t.

 

Panel Six +++++++

Long Shot. Number Two (with his back to the camera) is on the ground watching Trey and Moriarty furiously engaged in sword combat atop the platform.

NUMBER TWO

Wait. What’s his gambit? I couldn’t see this before. A feint, balestra*, lunge, disengage, fleche, parry… He’s avoiding In Quartata** and favouring the coup passé***? But the only possible reason to do that is if…if you’re specifically protecting your back.

 

Caption (at bottom):

* A quick forward hop or leap

**A fencing attack which conceals your front while exposing your back.

***A cross-stepping maneuver that keeps you facing your opponent.

Panel Seven +++++++

Close up shot, from the shoulders up of Trey and Moriarty, swords locked. She’s barely keeping his cane/sword at bay with both of hers. An inset (circular) panel shows the detail of an interface plug coming from the metal collar of the exoframe and connecting into Maury’s neck, at the base of his skull at the top of his spine. Trey’s face is clenched, as if she’s wincing. Moriarty is smiling wildly

MORIARTY

You’re growing tired, child. Time to die.

 

******* PAGE SIX (8 panels)

(8 panels)

Panel One +++++++ (Panels one, two and three occupy the top third of the page)

A door slides opens and Arthur arrives, having cyber-picked the lock.

ARTHUR

Maury.

MORIARTY (OP)

Artie.

ARTHUR

Can I call you Artie-Ficial Intelligence? And you’re supposed to be Moriarty, I guess? Is that an acronym? Does it stand for Mechanized Organism Recalibrated for Intelligence, Analytical Research & Treasonous Yearnings?

MORIARTY (OP)

Idiot. Not even worthy of my attention.

Panel Two +++++++

Close up on Number Two whispering to Arthur who’s got both guns drawn.

NUMBER TWO

Artie, sever the connection between the exoframe holding the bio-core and Maury’s nervous system. There’s an interface plug on the back of his neck.

ARTHUR

I figured. It’s hardwired into his brain and spine. If I empty both mags into him, at least one bullet SHOULD… no, I’ve got a better idea.  Safer for Trey too. Well, sort of. I hope.

 

Panel Three +++++++

Medium/long shot of Artie kneeling and holstering one of his guns.

Caption: “Sometimes a well-placed single shot can do more than a hail of gunfire…”

 

Panel Four +++++++

(Panels four and five occupy the middle third of the page)

A close up shot from the POV of Arthur’s gunsight.  Trey is looking directly at Arthur wide-eyed and Moriarty is ignoring him. The crosshairs are close to the interface plug.

ARTHUR (OP)

Trey! Sever the plug at the back of his neck!

 

Panel Five +++++++

Medium shot of Moriarty and Trey atop the diving platform, showing Trey bringing down her swords and Moriarty blocking both of them with his cane while he looks in the other direction back down at Arthur.

 

TREY(thought balloon) [cont’d]

Great. I’ve been reduced to being Artie’s distraction.

 

TREY

Three Holmes Aligned

We’ll End This Fight

Fate Guide My Sword

With Truth and Might!

 

MORIARTY

A painfully obvious ploy, you poor, poor, foolish –

 

Panel Six +++++++

(Panels six seven and eight occupy the bottom third of the page)

A silent panel. All that is seen is a bullet with a single motion line behind it, the severed plug lashing about and Moriarty’s wide-eyed face (with dilated pupils) and dead expression.

 

Panel Seven +++++++

Top down, bird’s eye view as he falls off the top of the diving platform. This panel can mirror Moriarty’s fall from issue one off the top of Reichenbach Falls.

 

Panel Eight +++++++


Long establishing shot / side view of the diving platform showing the distance of the fall and the splash into the pool.

 

*******PAGE SEVEN (6 panels)

 

Panel One +++++++

(Panels one two and three occupy the first third of the page)

Number Two and Trey embrace silently. Arthur folds his arms and cocks an eyebrow in the background.

ARTHUR

Don’t everybody thank me at once.

 

Panel Two +++++++

Long, full-body, hero shot of Trey, battle-damaged as if she had been walking towards camera and stopped. Number Two is standing just behind her looking proud.

NUMBER TWO

We’ve certainly lived up to the name Sherlock Holmes.

TREY

That we have.

 

Panel Three +++++++

Trey turns around and puts a hand on Number Two’s shoulder. She’s smiling.

TREY

You don’t hear it enough.

NUMBER TWO

What’s that?

TREY

Good show, Father. Bloody good show.

 

Panel Four +++++++

(Panel four is the entire middle third of the page)

Giant super panel, the BIG blast doors open and the rest of Holmes Inc. including support staff flood into the pool room. It’s a big group shot and a chance to include everyone from Old Edgar to Elizabeth to Ryan.

 

Panel Five +++++++

A top down medium shot. Maury has been fished out of the pool and is lying face up in a puddle with people surrounding him and attending to him, including Arthur.

ARTHUR

Maury will be fine but the liquid core is unsalvageable. It’s lost. Let’s get this exoframe off him. I’ll deal with the clean-up here guys. You get Maury to sick bay. After all, this tech is mine…

 

Panel Six +++++++

Artie is shown sitting in his lab, in the shadows. The only light piercing the darkness is coming from the intact bio-core within the still-functioning exoframe, floating suspended in a stasis cylinder before him.

Caption: …All Mine.

 

FINIS.

 

Categories: Scripts

The Old Man and the Sea Monster – Updated Script!

April 7, 2011 Leave a comment

Hey all,

Here is Dino’s updated script for Igopogo.  He did up two versions but I think you will all agree with Ty’s decison that the one WITH the hologram beastie provides much better comic book imagery. Enjoy!  – Rob

 

Script for Holmes Inc. Volume two

THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA MONSTER

Written by Dino Caruso

Page 1 –—————————————————————–

1-

Old Edgar and Artie are the focus of this panel. We have a tight shot on the two of them. This panel will be an inset in the much larger second panel.

Artie: Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be back at the command centre where it’s safer?

Old Edgar: Nonsense, boy! This brings back memories of my days in the Royal Navy. Now then…shall we continue with the briefing?

2-

The camera pulls back and we see that the two of them are seated on the deck of the Holmes Inc. Marine Exploration and Research Vessel. This shot is from behind them, over their shoulders. We can’t see the whole ship, but we know that they’re on one now.

They’re talking while Artie has four different windows open on his laptop…with one, he’s reviewing the history of Lake Simcoe scans. With another, he’s playing long distance chess against a supercomputer. With another, he’s trying to find the best place to eat in Toronto. With the last, he’s planning an elaborate hologram prank that looks like a sea monster.

Old Edgar has a regular paper file folder of his old Igopogo mission in his hands. He’s looking over to check out Artie’s computer. Old Edgar is seated in his wheelchair. There’s a picture of General Madlock (more about him soon) paperclipped to the folder.

CAPTION: Lake Simcoe, Ontario, Canada.

Artie: Sure, just let me close down some of these windows.

Old Edgar: Windows, eh? Let’s see what you’ve got brewing.

Arite: Well, I’ve been reviewing the new reports of the monster sightings, playing chess against Wilson, looking for a good restaurant in Toronto and…errr…working on some hologram schematics.

Credits…

Tentative title: THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA MONSTER

Or Tentative title 2: THE RETURN OF IGOPOGO

Written by: Dino Caruso

Illustrated by: Pierce Desrochers-O’Sullivan

Lettered by: Keiren Smith

3-

A wide shot shows the entirety of the ship. We can still see Artie and Edgar on the deck as they continue to talk.

Old Edgar: Holograms! Hah! Monkeyshines, no doubt…

Artie: Errr…weren’t we gonna talk about Igopogo?

4-

Close shot on Old Edgar as he looks back at his file folder again.

Old Edgar: Igopogo. Indeed.

Old Edgar: Well…it was 1976…

 

Page 2 –———————————————————————–

Some flashbacks to the events of the 70s. Perhaps we change the panel boarders or alter the greytones to explicitly show that this is a flashback. Edgar will narrate the flashbacks.

1-

Old Edgar (1970s version) and his research team have found the monster. The boat they’re on in the flashback is smaller and less sophisticated than the present model. There is music coming from a set of external speakers (maybe we show a few musical notes and some lyrics like: “still crazy after all these years…”). It would no doubt be a hi-fi system with genuine LP record albums.

The monster is docile. It’s close to the boat.

This page will be narrated by Old Edgar in Caption boxes.

NARRATION: There had been a rash of “sea monster” sightings in Lake Simcoe and we quickly discovered that the beast, called Igopogo, was real…and apparently very docile and intelligent.

2-

The government troops (air force, navy, etc.), led by the bastard General (who we haven’t seen yet) come in…helicopters, boats. This will be a wide shot, showing the incoming troops.

NARRATION: However as is so often the case, the military…led by that fiend General Madlock… had its own agenda regarding scientific discoveries.

3-

The monster gets agitated. It rears up. It snarls or roars.

NARRATION: They were upon us very quickly. We had no time to lure Igopogo to safety.

4-

We see a close up of the general on one of the Canadian Navy ships.

General: FIRE!

NARRATION: That damnable Madlock was scheming to clone the beast in an attempt to weaponize it. He was soon drummed out of the service after the holy hell I raised on Downing Street.

5- Igopogo is gunned down, while Edgar cries out.

Old Edgar (1970s version): Noooo!

NARRATION: Madlock and I crossed swords several times after that…Latest intel placed him in Buffalo working with some privateer miscreants. That was about a year ago.

 

Page 3 – back in the present again.————————————————

1-

We’re back in the present again. Old Edgar is emotional after his reminiscing.

Old Edgar: You know, I never was able to get a straight answer out of anyone regarding the disposition of Igopogo’s remains.

Voice from off panel: Sir!

2-

A crewman has popped out of the bridge. Old Edgar and Artie turn to look at him.

Crewman: Scans have gone active! We’re picking up something to port…closing fast!

3-

They all rush over to the railing, where something is brewing under the water. We still can’t see it, but it’s definitely a first indication. A large compass on the wall behind them starts spinning wildly. Old Edgar glances at it.

4-

Close on Artie and Edgar. There are crewmen in the background. The crewmen all look shocked. Artie’s not shocked, but he doesn’t know how to explain this. Old Edgar has the look of someone who’s put all the pieces together. He just needed to see this one final bit of evidence.

Artie: You said the monster from ’76 was the last of its kind. So…what then? Alien? Robot?

Old Edgar: Is that the best you’ve got, boy? You’ve already been presented with enough information to solve this.

Old Edgar: Maybe we should have left you back at the command centre, hmm? Heh.

5-

Igopogo 2.0 comes out of the water, looking much more ferocious than the 70s version did, but still the same basic anatomy and design.

Artie (from the deck of the boat, small font, whisper/mumble): Alien robot, maybe??

 

Page 4 –———————————————————

1-

Igo turns and heads off.

Crewman from the bridge: It’s heading toward Orillia. ETA 15 minutes.

Old Edgar: We’ve got to slow him down. Ideas?

Artie: Not sure if it’ll work, but chase him! I’ll set it up.

2-

Artie works on attaching a gizmo to the railing. It’s a small hologram projector.

Artie (thought bubble): I made this hologram to spook Edgar and the crew…I didn’t actually believe the new monster sightings here were real.

3-

Artie pushes a button on the device.

Artie (thought bubble): Never thought I’d be using it to slow down the real thing!

4-

Now there’s a hologramatic Igopogo in the path of the real one. The real one rears up stop. This can be a bigger panel.

 

Page 5 –—————————————————————–

1-

Artie rejoins Old Edgar near the railing. Old Edgar’s got a piece of paper…a readout from scans taken of the water.

Artie: Igopogo will realize the hologram’s not real in a minute or so. Are you going to tell me what’s going on now?

Old Edgar: Did you notice that compass spinning wildly? And here…these readings… Water temperature near the beast is warmer than average and there is an atypical amount of fluorescent activity in its wake.

Old Edgar: Does that make it simpler?

2-

Two shot again.

Artie: Uhhh…

Old Edgar: Buffalo???

3-

The beast and the hologram continue their “dance”, but the real Igopogo is getting bolder now.

4-

Artie hustles down a set of stairs in the boat. There’s a door marked SCIENCE LAB visible at the bottom of the stairs.

CAPTION (OLD EDGAR TALKING): Electromagnetic Remote Control…pioneered at the University of Buffalo! That’s how the beast is being controlled.

5-

Artie grabs the magnetic field inhibitor from the scanning electron microscope.

CAPTION (OLD EDGAR TALKING): Magnetic nanoparticles have been implanted in its brain! We’ve got to disrupt that magnetic field.

 

Page 6 –——————————————————————–

1-

Artie runs across the deck holding the device as the crew and Old Edgar look on.

Old Edgar: Of course! Well played, boy!

Crewman: What on earth is he doing?

Old Edgar: He’s got the Magnetic nullifier from the Scanning Electron Microscope. It should work.

2-

The real Igopogo bursts through the hologramatic one. The ship is still close enough to the beast for what Artie’s got planned.  It might look cool if the hologram burst into “shards of light” as Igopogo goes through it.

3-

Artie leaps off the boat, holding the device. He gets some parting advice from Old Edgar.

Old Edgar: The base of the skull…near the occipital lobe!

4-

Artie scrambles up Igopogo’s back.

5-

He clamps the device on Igo’s skull.

 

Page 7 ———————————————————————

1-

The beast is calmer. Artie calls over to Old Edgar on the ship.

Artie: What now?

Old Edgar: Obvious isn’t it? We trace the magnetic waves back to their point of origin and roust Madlock and his cronies who were no doubt using this as demonstration of the beast’s potential as a weapon.

Artie: Madlock? You think he’s still at it?

2-

A team of officers, with Arite and Old Edgar behind them, breaks down the door to the secret lair.

CAPTION (really Old Edgar speaking): No doubt. It’s got his fingerprints all over it. He must’ve finally succeeded in cloning Igopogo and found a way to use Nanomagnetic remote control to influence its behaviour. The theory fits the facts.

3-

Madlock (older, but evidently no wiser) and his goons are being led out of their hideout by the cops. Old Edgar and Artie are standing and watching. Madlock glowers at Holmes.

Madlock: I’m not finished yet, Holmes.

Old Edgar: You most certainly are mate. This time, you’ll go away for good.

CAPTION: LATER.

4-

Two shot…Artie and Old Edgar.

Artie: Looks like you’ve still got a lot to offer in the field, huh?

Old Edgar: More than you realize.

Artie: What do you mean?

5-

Artie rolls his eyes as Edgar lays it on him.

Old Edgar: Your chess problem? Knight to Rook 5.

Old Edgar: The best restaurant in Toronto? Definitely Far Niente.

Old Edgar: And that hologram? Not your best work. Let’s discuss the illumination matrix on the plane, shall we?

End.

Categories: Scripts, Uncategorized

Eight Seconds to Mayhem – Revised Script

April 7, 2011 Leave a comment

Hey there all. I will try to catch up with all the postings in the next day or two.  First up, is Kathleen’s most excellent revised script. Bring on the clown fightin’!

Cheers,

Rob

Eight Seconds to Mayhem!

By Kathleen Gallagher

Art by Danny Setna

________________PAGE ONE (3 panels)_______________________

++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE++++++++++++++++++

EXT. MURPHTEK CORPORATION’S RODEO & EXPO GROUNDS – DAY  (Establishing shot of the farming expo grounds and rodeo. Should be similar to the CNE. There’s a small crowd of protestors clashing with a group of cowboys and security guards in front of the main gates.)

CAPTION 1

Houston, Texas. MurphTek’s  Farmers’ Expo and Rodeo showcases the cutting edge of agricultural science alongside old-fashioned Texan brawn.

CAPTION 2

But the company’s genetic research has made the event a lightning rod for controversy.

+++++++++++PANEL TWO+++++++++++++

(Edgar and Elizabeth arrive on horseback, cutting through the crowd in dramatic fashion. Edgar is dressed in a “dandy cowboy” look, complete with hat. Elizabeth will be in her regular Holmes Inc. action suit, with some slight Western flare, like a cowboy hat.)

EDGAR

Make way, ladies and gentlemen! There’s no time to waste.

Story title & credits

++++++++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++++++

(Edgar dismounts his horse with a flourish, doffing his hat at Sheriff Doris Grant. She looks at Edgar with a mix of horror and amusement. Elizabeth looks on, with a wry smile. She knows Edgar is in for a rough time from the Texans.)

ELIZABETH

Sheriff Grant! Good to see you again. This is my cousin–

EDGAR

Edgar Holmes the Second, madam.

Here to save your rodeo for queen and country.

 

________________PAGE TWO (5 panels)______________________

++++++++++PANEL ONE+++++++++++

INT. HALLWAY OF RODEO HEADQUARTERS – DAY (Edgar, Elizabeth and Sheriff Doris have entered rodeo headquarters, and are racing down the hallway towards a conference room.)

ELIZABETH

The problem isn’t those protestors, sheriff. It’s bigger than that.

Eco-terrorist Theo Slater has escaped custody and we believe he’s targeted the rodeo.

DORIS

I’ve gathered staff in the conference room. My officers are at your disposal.

++++++PANEL TWO+++++

(Edgar, Elizabeth & Sheriff Doris enter the conference room. This should be a fairly large panel, so we can see our supporting characters: Jolene, Cassidy and McMurphy.)

DORIS

This is Mayor Larry Cassidy, and our rodeo director, Jolene Melchett.

You know Mr. McMurphy, our patron.

McMURPHY

I won’t have my expo ruined by some tree-hugging freak!

EDGAR

Slater’s methods may be unorthodox, but he’s also sloppy and obvious. Although it’s enough to befuddle the local authorities.

+++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++

(Doris is offended, so Elizabeth steps between her and Edgar. Meanwhile, Edgar grabs a rodeo staffer from the hallway, who is already occupied, carrying a box of supplies.)

ELIZABETH

Slater’s gang has stolen a slew of lab equipment and chemicals.

Mixed together as a drug, it causes severe aggression and rabies-like symptoms in livestock.

EDGAR

You there, fetch me a cup of tea. And make sure the water is freshly boiled.

++++++++++++PANEL FOUR++++++++++

(Elizabeth continues the briefing. Jolene laughs at the mention of the GM cows, whilst nervously fiddling with a dangling earring. McMurphy glares at her.)

ELIZABETH

Slater is going to sabotage MurphTek’s genetically modified cattle.

The ones you’re premiering to the public tomorrow, Mr. McMurphy.

JOLENE

Oh, yes, the amazing fart-free cows!

McMURPHY

Reducing livestock methane emissions is serious science, Jolene.

+++++++++PANEL FIVE+++++++

(Edgar stands haughtily, his arms folded. He looks bored. Elizabeth winces at his remarks.)

EDGAR

Frankly, I doubt it will make a difference. Whenever I visit Texas, my clothes require industrial-strength dry cleaning to rid them of the stench.

CASSIDY

Now see here, you pompous–

++++++++PANEL SIX+++++++

(Elizabeth smiles, and cracks a joke, lightening the mood. Everyone laughs but Edgar, who looks annoyed.)

ELIZABETH

Y’all will have to excuse Edgar.

He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.

____________________PAGE THREE (4 panels)____________________

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(EXT. DAY: THE RODEO GROUNDS. After the meeting, Elizabeth & Edgar stroll through the exhibition grounds, looking for clues. Edgar is cranky.)

ELIZABETH

When we took this case my biggest question was who is bankrolling Slater. But that certainly cleared things up.

EDGAR

I’m surprised you were paying attention. By the end of that meeting,you were all carrying on like giggling schoolgirls.

+++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL TWO++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth stops in her tracks to lecture Edgar. Edgar rolls his eyes.)

ELIZABETH

Aw, is precious Edgar jealous that he isn’t the belle of the ball? This is Texas, not Eton.  You need to win their respect.

++++++++++++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Edgar spots two rodeo clowns hauling supplies on the far side of the panel.)

ELIZABETH

Listen, I know what it’s like to feel out of place. It’s tough.

EDGAR

Spare the pop psychology for another time. Look at those clowns.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FOUR++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Main focus of the panel should be our nefarious rodeo clowns. Edgar and Elizabeth check them out.)

ELIZABETH

Body language is all wrong. I doubt those boys have ever touched a horse, let alone rode one. And those boots… (con’t)

EDGAR

Brand new, but covered with chemical stains.

______________________PAGE FOUR (4 panels)________________

++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE++++++++++++++++++++

(EXT. – SLATER’S TRAILER, NEAR THE RODEO STABLES AND HOLDING PENS – DAY. Edgar and Elizabeth are on the edge of the panel, and we can see the clowns meeting with Theo Slater, outside the trailer. He holds a small bag of the tainted feed.)

ELIZABETH

Got here just in time. Slater’s has a feedbag with him.

+++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL TWO+++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth and Edgar tackle the goons, as Slater runs off with the feedbag.)

SLATER

Holmes Incorporated? Stop them, any way you can!

EDGAR

Get back here, Slater, you fiend!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(The fight continues in the background, as Slater runs up to an already imposing-looking bull in a holding pen. He feeds it some of the tainted food.)


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FOUR+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(The bull quickly becomes rabid and monstrous, breaking free of his pen. Bystanders run for cover.)

BULL
RARRRWWW!!!!

(Sound FX for the breaking pen)

 

______________________PAGE FIVE (5 panels)________________

+++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE+++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth and Edgar have dispatched the goons. Elizabeth pulls out an Epi-pen, and hands it to Edgar.)

ELIZABETH

I mixed up an antidote ahead of time. It’ll take more than bullets to put him down in that state.

EDGAR

Say no more.

++++++++++++++PANEL TWO+++++++++++++

(Elizabeth lassos a rope around the bull’s horns and manages to distract him just before he plows into a group of terrified children.)

ELIZABETH

Oof! Now, Edgar!

++++++++++++++++++PANEL THREE+++++++++++++++++

(Edgar has climbed up on a nearby fence and leaps onto the crazed bull.)

EDGAR

I’ll say this for Texas. There’s never a dull moment.

++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FOUR ++++++++++++++++++

(Yee-haw! Bull riding! Edgar grabs the rope with one hand, and in the other one, stabs the bull with the Epi-pen.)


++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FIVE+++++++++++++++++

(The bull collapses and Edgar topples to the ground.)

MALE BYSTANDER

Whoo-eee! He lasted 10 seconds! That’s a new record!

_________________PAGE SIX (6 panels)__________________________

+++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE+++++++++++++++++++++++++

(A crowd has gathered to cheer wildly for Edgar, who tips his hat in appreciation. But Elizabeth grabs his arm, eager to find Slater.)

EDGAR

What, only 10? Next time I’ll make more of an effort.

ELIZABETH

You can showboat later. We need to find Slater.

++++++++++++++++++++PANEL TWO+++++++++++++++++++

EXT. – TRAILER ON A DUSTY ROAD – DAY. (Parked outside the trailer are two pickup trucks.)

SLATER (off-panel)

I want my money! Facing the Holmes family wasn’t part of the deal!

+++++++++++++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++++++++++++

INT. TRAILER INTERIOR. DAY.( Slater faces us, angry. He is yelling at his benefactor, who is in our foreground. But we cannot yet see the benefactor, since she is obscured by shadow.)

JOLENE (off-panel)

You’re not getting another cent, Slater. You didn’t finish the job. I want McMurphy ruined!

 

SLATER

I should have never teamed up with you. You don’t care about the Earth, you just want revenge on an ex-boyfriend!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FOUR++++++++++++++++++++++

(The villain steps out of the shadows and is… Jolene, the rodeo director! She’s unhinged, clutching a rocks glass filled with booze.)

JOLENE

Ditching me for that trollop was only part of the story! He stole my own cosmetics company out from under me! I’ll make him pay!

++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FIVE+++++++++++++++++++++

(Edgar & Elizabeth burst through the door of the trailer, pointing their guns at Slater & Jolene.)

EDGAR

My, you Americans do like to vent.

ELIZABETH

Both of you are under arrest.

JOLENE

What? How did you find me?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL SIX+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth slaps handcuffs on Slater, while Edgar strolls over to Jolene.)

ELIZABETH

Jolene, you were  sweatin’ like a turkey the day before Thanksgiving back at the briefing. A little digging turned up some curious uses of rodeo funds.

EDGAR

Using Jolene’s makeup line for the clown makeup, Slater? Like I said, sloppy and obvious.

_______________________PAGE SEVEN (4 panels)___________________

++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL ONE++++++++++++++++++

EXT. EXPO GROUNDS. DAY. (Expo grounds chilli cook-off contest. A long table is set up with several pots of steaming chilli. Edgar and Elizabeth are at the centre of attention as they sample the food in front of an appreciative crowd. Mayor Cassidy sidles up to Edgar.)

CASSIDY

You’re welcome in Houston anytime, Mr. Holmes. You got more guts than you can hang on a fence.

EDGAR

Why, thank you, mayor. I think.

++++++++++++++++++++PANEL TWO+++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth leans over to whisper in Edgar’s ear.)

ELIZABETH

Don’t worry. Your ordeal is almost over. We head home within the hour.

EDGAR

See, that’s the problem with you city slickers. Always in a rush.

+++++++++++++++++++PANEL THREE++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth looks surprised. But Edgar points out two flirtatious cowgirls nearby.)

EDGAR

You need learn how to relax, Elizabeth. As for me, I fully intend to repay this generous Texan hospitality.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++PANEL FOUR++++++++++++++++++++++

(Elizabeth laughs and shrugs as Edgar strolls off with the girls.)

ELIZABETH

Best of luck, partner. After five bowls of Texas chili, you’re going to need it.

THE  END

Categories: Communications, Scripts

OLD WOUNDS – Outline by Mike Marano, with notes!

March 16, 2011 Leave a comment

Old Wounds

Synopsis by Mike Marano

Page 1 – A New System

  • Arthur and Holmes Inc. lab tech Maury Clayton finish installing the new BioTech supercomputer (with organic liquid memory hard drive, nanotech, etc).
  • Artie leaves Maury to load the case files as he has an appointment to keep.
  • Maury, a Moriarty enthusiast, starts with all of the facts, case notes & dossiers relating to Professor James Moriarty, nemesis of Sherlock Holmes.

Page 2 – Ghost in the Machine – Moriarty Reborn!

  • Maury sneezes as the newly online system is fed this info, introducing a biological virus into the system, fusing the Moriarty data and the bio-liquid core. The system becomes self-aware and attacks the nearest body, encasing /absorbing Maury. Should look horrific. Tentacles?
  • Its first order of business: Where is Sherlock Holmes? His old foe must be defeated and humiliated. Two matches are found. Trey and Number 2 are both in the gym/workout area, where Number 2 is congratulating Trey, “Good show Trey.” This training zone is large and adjacent to their pool.
  • Moriarty initiates the building lockdown procedure.

Page 3 – Meanwhile:Holmes on the (firing) Range/Office Politics

 

  • Elizabeth is in the firing range with Arthur, teaching him the finer points of marksmanship.
  • She explains that sometimes a well-placed single shot can do more than a hail of gunfire.
  • Also shown is a brief scene where Edgar is meeting with a billionaire who’s had an artifact in his collection stolen when the security shutters deploy and the doors and windows become sealed. The building’s in lockdown!

Page 4 – LockDown / Stalking Sherlock(s)

 

  • As the security protocols lock down the building, Arthur thinks quick and slides under the blast door sealing the firing range, leaving Elizabeth there.
  • Edgar accepts that he’s out of this fight. Turns away and pops a pill in shadow.
  • Number Two and Trey are ready for anything in the large gym when Moriarty slowly walks down the entrance ramp, looking inhuman (techno-organic face & hands, altered by nanomites, veins like circuits,) but his overall shape is still humanoid, and still wearing Maury’s shirt & tie (collar up/cravat?) and lab coat. Long-ish hair, confusable with wires. Techno-1880s look.
  • Refined and deadly, he even has a gentleman’s cane/weapon. Explains that he will humiliate and defeat (perhaps kill?) them both.

Page 5 – Tragic Encounter / Moriarty vs Two Sherlocks!

 

  • Trey Keeps Moriarty busy with swordplay & poetry. Moves from training zone to pool area & multi-level diving platform. They ascend the platform as they fight.
  • Moriarty references his “memories”, like Sebastian Moran or the John Douglas affair in Vermissa Valley (The Valley of Fear) while he fights/rants.
  • Some of his clothes are cut away – exposed arms & chest seem to be encased in a type of exoframe, the Bio-liquid visibly pumping through it. Maury’s intact.
  • They must deduce how to defeat Moriarty. E.M.P.? Extreme cold? Heat?
  • Number 2 figures it out. During the fight he sees that at the base of Moriarty’s skull at the top of his spine, there’s an interface plug.

Page 6 – Fight for Four Lives!

 

  • Arthur arrives, toting Clint & Burt and sees Trey atop the platform. “Maury.” “Artie.”
  • Makes quips about Moriarty. “Can I call it Artie-Ficial Intelligence? And Moriarty? Is that an acronym? Does it stand for Mechanized Organism Recalibrated for Intelligence, Analytical Research & Treasonous Yearnings?”
  • Number 2 tells Arthur what to do. He’s ready and eager to unload with both barrels blazing, but he remembers Elizabeth’s words, “sometimes a well-placed single shot can do more than a hail of gunfire…”

Page 7 – Arthur Saves the Day/To the Victor, the Spoils!

  • Arthur holsters Burt. Aims Clint. Stops. Breathes.
  • Trey sees Arthur and lunges to slice the interface plug, and is blocked as she hoped/planned. Leaves Moriarty open.
  • Arthur squeezes the trigger. Direct hit, severs the plug. Moriarty topples to the platform’s edge. “I’ll not be beaten. Not like this. Not like…at… Reichenbach.” Falls into the pool. Lockdown ends.
  • Trey & Number 2 embrace, the latter declares, “We’ve lived up to the name Sherlock Holmes.” Trey: “That we have.” Walks. Stops. Turns. “Also… Good show Father.”
  • Arthur: “Maury will be fine but the liquid core is unsalvageable. It’s lost. I’ll deal with the clean-up guys. You get Maury to sick bay. After all, this tech is mine…”
  • Last panel: “…All Mine.” Story ends with Arthur sitting alone, regarding the exoframe & INTACT bio-liquid core floating within a stasis cylinder. Ominous. Will we see this Moriarty exoframe again?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mike, that’s an excellent first draft of the story map.  There’s much here to love, especially that it’s paced a little breezier (though there’s still a few spots that get a little crowded).  I think you could push the last bit of page 2 (a very action filled page) onto the top of page 3 (a less crowded page) just for space, and perhaps move the sneeze onto page one for much the same reason.

The last half of the story is about Maury becoming a physical threat and attacking them in fine cyborg style…the team fights back with swords and well placed bullets.  Could we have just a little brain power from our heroes as well?   Love the shooting and sword play, but a hint of outsmarting is needed…something to maneuver him to a vulnerable location (such as up the stairs or towards the pool) rather than always being reactive, they’re the pro-active ones in the fight.  Rob’s notes include asking for more deductions in the story, and he’s absolutely right.

In fact:  Rob’s notes are as follows (and worth the read).
————

Page 1 –  I wonder if Maury’s sneeze could happen in the final panel of page one to bridge to the net page where we see it infecting the computer?  that leaves page two entirely for the engulfment and transformation.
Just a note that Number 2 would be taking charge and checking in with his team here. He is the leader. Mike’s idea of combing biotech with a Victorian sensibilty in terms of design is quite exciting and challenging.
Page 5 – Trey can be deducing how Moriarity thinks by a combination of her knowledge of the Moriarity files and Maury. Number 2 should be thinking on a whole different level, helping Trey in his way.
I wonder if we’re missing out by not having Number 2 fight alongside his daughter?   He was trained by one of the deadliest men on the planet, his Dad. And he trained all his kids.
Page 6 – Artie has no deductive moment.
Page 7 –  I like your idea that the high dive at Holmes Inc. is called the Reichenbach Fall.  It’s a subtler reference than Maury’s dialogue. The fall off the board is reference enough.
I am loving the last panel!  I can see Artie lit by the bio tech light, giving it an ominous feel.
Cheers, Rob
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Categories: Scripts