FLIGHT PLAN with notes

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NOTES from TY:

Some good stuff, as expected.  There’s a couple of storytelling problems on page one, two and five, which I’ve addresses with the following tweaks in photoshop.  On Page one, the first two panels are running the wrong way, so I flipped ’em.  On page two, the hot chick should be a head-to-toe shot.  Long legs are as sexy as the rest of the figure, and we shouldn’t cut her off at the knees.  And on page five, there’s a problem between going to panel three and four at the same time.   Which I’ve played with as well.

Don’t love page seven.  There’s too little attention to either the take down, or the final panel.  It seems like you’re rushing to get the last three panels in before the story ends, and since it’s a six panel page, it shouldn’t feel so cramped at the end.  Give page seven another try.  The rest of the pages (except the notes above) are your usual quality of of storytelling.

ONE LAST NOTE THOUGH:  You’ve been doing the Brit-comics for a while, and have gotten used to a basically squared off page.  Back in the two stories you drew for SEX-VIOLENCE-SUFFERING-WICKEDNESS, you had a more playful sense of the edge of the page.  Full bleed vs. safe art stuff, seems to be gone.

Flopped the panels at the start of page one. Gave the woman more space on page two

Played with the story flow problem on page five.

FINAL THOUGHT:  This is rough, but very readable.  Consider the word balloons, and bleed edges of the pages again.  Muck about on page seven until that’s tidied up, and you MIGHT consider rethinking page one just to see what you come up with.  It’s fine now, but I think you could do a KNOCK OUT page one based on that script.

TY THE GUY

  1. Robert Pincombe
    June 11, 2010 at 10:35 pm

    Hey there Gibson! I just had a chance to look over them too. These layout are robust and have a nice sense of drama. I see you’ve adjusted some of my pages to work more to your strengths — like the extra panels on page one. I like that we’ve got the impact of the crash sight and a close up of Elizabeth looking over her sunglasses when she says, “No bodies.”

    I’m happy to let Ty gives the main notes. He’s the expert.

    I do have two little suggestions though.

    The second last panel on page 2 could probably use having Elizabeth facing out instead of her back to the reader. The previous few panels all avoid her face. So I think it might be nice to see it so the reader can get the gist of what she’s feeling because we won’t see that in the final, wide panel.

    On the final page, the emphasis here seems to be on the Commander’s reaction when the take-down is probably your real big payoff moment.

    I love that the figure work is full of character and attitude. I also appreciate how much fun you have with the action and varying up the panels. There are a couple of really lovely reaction moments too!

    Cheers on you, mate!

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